Dealing with Temper Tantrums

As she watches two-year-old Robbie giggles as he play-wrestles with Riff, the family dog, Gayle shakes her head in wonder. The young mother can't believe this is the same child who, a mere hour ago, was in the midst of a full-blown temper tantrum. Prevented from sharing his lunch with Riff, Robbie had thrown himself on the floor and begun to scream and thrash.

Most parents will be familiar with a variation on the above scene. Rare is the child who reaches her or his third birthday without engaging in a temper tantrum. Indeed, tantrums -- which can range in severity from loud yelling to face-turning-blue fits -- are considered to be a natural part of childhood development.

As a child grows, he wants to accomplish more things. Sometimes, when he can't tie his shoelace or take the cover off the sandbox, the frustration gets too much for him. Similarly, a growing child wants to become more independent. So when a parent prevents her from trimming the hedge with garden sheers, she's apt to become furiously angry.

Ironically, one of the most effective strategies for dealing with an exploding three-year-old is to do nothing. Neither reward nor punish a tantrum. If Jamie couldn't have the cookie before the tantrum, he shouldn't get it after.

When faced with an out of control child, the parent greatest concern should be to make sure the child cannot harm himself or others. If your child will let you, hold him. If he won't, tell him in soft tones that you are there beside him. And hard as it is, try to stay calm. Remember, your child's strong emotions are as frightening to him as they are to you.

It's good to keep in mind that tantrum behavior diminishes as a child learns to verbally express his frustration and anger. For Gayle and Robbie that time can't come soon enough.