About Adults Abused During Childhood

When a child's trust is betrayed by an adult, the child feels depressed, confused, insecure, and frightened. When that child becomes an adult, the impact of experiencing neglect and/or physical, emotional or sexual abuse, continues to have an effect on that person life. Abused children learn "survival skills" like withdrawing and distancing themselves from all adults or trying to be perfect to seek approval from adults. They may create fantasies to escape from the realities of their lives; or turn off their feelings or misbehave as ways to express their underlying hurt and anger. Because, as children, they are unable to comprehend why the abuse keeps occurring, they may conclude that it is their fault and that they are "bad" and take blame for the abuse.

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Abused children frequently carry these coping skills into adult life with results such as difficulties in developing and sustaining relationships or in making poor selections in partners. They may have fears about making changes and have difficulties in coping with stress, expressing emotions, caring "too much" for others at their own expense, and ultimately accurately assessing their own worth. Many adults struggling with these problems often have no idea that abuse/neglect in their childhood may be at the root of their current difficulties. They often find it problematic to talk about their problems with anyone, because of the guilt and shame they have carried. Secrecy about their past and/or minimizing their abusive experiences continue to be one of their "coping methods".

The road to recovery includes acknowledging the abuse, letting the memories surface despite the pain and placing the responsibility for the abuse where it belongs--ON THE ABUSER. In addition, learning to free up emotions and actively reducing the level of shame felt will help the abused adult to begin to recover from this trauma. Other skills that aid the healing process include acknowledging the courage to deal with the abuse, identifying strengths, practicing patience and compassion.

Since the problem stems from a relationship, it requires participation in a healing relationship to undue all the harm the abuses have caused. Seeking help from a professional therapist is imperative in order to make this journey to recovery.