Adoption Gone Awry

Who can forget the anguished cries of parents and children in the cases of disrupted adoption in the recent past? Baby Richard and Baby Jessica haunt the minds of all prospective adoptive parents.

Maybe you are considering adoption, but wish to be spared the agony of adoption gone awry. Can you protect yourself?

Although these cases garnered intense media attention, they are indeed rare. In fact, it is estimated that less than 1 percent of all the thousands of adoptions that take place each year are contested by birth parents who seek the return of a child, according to the National Council for Adoption.

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In this comparatively small number of cases that went wrong, problems existed from the beginning. If there is a positive side to these nightmare cases it is the enactment of legislation in many states which provides some reassurance for adoptive parents.

Baby Jessica lived with her adoptive parents for more than two years. At the time of her adoption, her birth mother did not provide the correct name of the birth father. The adoptive parents were ignorant of this deception and began legal adoption proceedings.

Within a short time after surrender, the birth mother reconciled her relationship with the true birth father, whom she ultimately married. They filed papers to have the child returned to them on the basis that the rights of the true birth father had never been terminated. After nearly two and a half years of fighting in court, the then-preschooler was returned to her birth parents.

In Illinois, where I live, the Baby Richard case made headlines a few years ago. In this case, the birth mother, believing that the birth father had jilted her for an old girlfriend, informed the birth father that the baby had died. The child was placed for adoption after birth and the birth parents subsequently reconciled. The birth mother informed the birth father on Mother's Day 1991 that their child had been placed for adoption some eighty days earlier. The birth father challenged the placement and his lack of opportunity to contest the placement, arguing that he could not stake a claim to a child he did not know was even alive.

At four years of age, Baby Richard was taken from the home of his adoptive parents - the only parents he had ever known.

In analyzing these cases, there were several warning signs early on, shortly after placement. Yet, in each case, the adoptive parents chose to fight to retain custody of the child. Who wouldn't?

Illinois has responded to the Baby Richard case by enacting legislation which requires birth mothers to provide accurate information about birth fathers. If she makes any false statements in this regard, she can be charged with a misdemeanor crime. In addition, Illinois, along with several other states, has enacted a birth father registry where a man can register his paternity and retain the right to be notified of his child's fate. If the birth father has not registered his interest in the child, he may not later contest any adoption proceedings with regard to that child. In addition, a lack of knowledge about the pregnancy or birth is not an acceptable reason for failure to register.

Even with such protective legislation, there are a few steps which adoptive parents must take to ensure a smooth adoption process. (See next Chapter)

Step 1: What If She Changes Her Mind?
I believe that adoptive families should be prepared - prior to the placement of a child- with an answer to the awful question of what to do if the birth parents change their minds. Especially in high risk placements, where legal consents are not obtained prior to physical placement, adoptive parents must be prepared for the worst and they then can rejoice in the best.

Step 2: Counseling for the Birth Mother
In a private adoptive placement, where the social services of an adoption agency are not utilized, I believe birth parents should make sure their birth mother has received some counseling regarding her decision. If her decision is made in a lawyer's office, particularly if the birth father is not actively involved in the decision making process, she needs to be counseled as to the emotional and legal impact of her decision.

Step 3: Make Sure You Have An Experienced Attorney
Adoptive parents need to make sure the attorney handling their adoption is experienced in the legal as well as the emotional issues involved in adoption. Your cousin Joe who closed the real estate deal on your house may be a fine fellow, and may know the adoption law as written in the books, but if he is not aware of the potential pitfalls and able to deal with all the emotional issues involved in adoption, you are taking a risk.

There's No Need to Fear!
Should parents be afraid to adopt? Absolutely not! But I am always amazed that people put more effort into researching the purchase of a car or a computer than they put into adoption. Why? Because the emotion takes over. Maybe adoptive parents have waited for years to find a child to adopt. When a situation comes along which seems too good to be true, it may be too good to be true.

There are children available for adoption. Get all the facts, get competent counsel, make sure all the parties are fully prepared and then proceed with joyous confidence.