It Wasn't Meant to Be

Anyone who is in the process of adopting has probably had this nagging fear looming in the back of their heads, "What if our birthmother changes her mind?" Unfortunately, this became a reality for us eight weeks after welcoming into our hearts a beautiful baby girl we named Kimarie Joy.

Because there were issues with the birthfather from the onset we knew there was a possibility the adoption might not happen. We embraced the belief that "if it was meant to be, it would work out." Ultimately, it wasn't meant to be. To our shock and dismay, our birthmother changed her mind.

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Yes, we were heartbroken and angry and went through an intense period of grieving. Pam remembers it as, "drowning in sadness." Although there was not a physical death, we mourned the loss of our hopes and dreams for this precious baby we hoped to raise. We were saddened that she wouldn't be able to enjoy the comforts we could offer her. We were angry in giving up a name we had chosen years before. While we could have reused the name, we didn't wish to confuse our three-year-old son, Cory, and felt there could only be one Kimarie in our lives. We struggled with what to tell Cory, and like us, he was angry, confused, and sad.

While this was an incredibly painful experience for us, we found great comfort in knowing that we gave Kimarie a wonderful, loving start in life. In less than time than we would have expected, we let go of the hurt and were ready to move on.

We were not alone in this ordeal. The staff at Adoption Network Law Center worked hours on our behalf in communication with the birthmother and others. They shared in
our pain. We were grateful for their dedicated service and for the fact that they would reapply our fees to another adoption when we were ready. Our decision to try again would not be made for us by a lack of remaining funds as would have been the case with other adoption services.

Did we still want to adopt? Could we emotionally deal with adoption again? Would we be able to bond as deeply with another child? Is it worth it? We asked ourselves these questions many time. Our answer was "yes." We feel strongly that part of our purpose here is to make a positive difference in a child's life. This would only be a setback, not a defeat. This proved to be the case.

Within a month of returning Kimarie, we were holding our new angel, Ariana. . .the baby who was meant to be our daughter.

Credits: Ron and Pam Wagner