Working with the System - Their Way!

We live in Australia, and we are adopting a child from overseas while living here. (Too old and too few children to adopt from within Australia).

However, the system is a joke. They have ridiculous age restrictions in many states. Don't they realize the developed world is tending to have children later and later (naturally)? The age restriction is not considered discriminatory - so much for equal opportunity! The fact that there are so many children who could benefit from a loving environment and real home seems to be irrelevant in Australia. Perhaps the US is more lateral thinking in trying to place a child in a home environment - with of course the necessary checks in place.

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A few examples which may help others trying to adopt a child (unless of course you are a movie star with mega dollars to buy your way in - could this be Angelina Jolie and 5 times wed, now separated husband?)

1. Don't dare to be honest with your "assessor" - THIS DOES NOT WORK. Make sure you don't divulge you are still trying to have your own biological child in any way, shape or form - it is interpreted as you cannot be committed to adopting a child if you are still seeking to achieve your own biological child. Never mind it may take anywhere from 2-7years to be assessed by the relevant authorities here in Australia -and there are no guarantees at the end of it either!!! Oh and don't forget, they will try to dissuade you because of age anyway, leave alone the fact you should not be actively trying to have a biological child during the "assessment" time.

2. Be very nondescriptive in your medical history, and for goodness sakes don't say you get stressed in any way; it will be interpreted as you will have difficulties in dealing with the issues with an adopted child and as such this is a risk factor, ie a negative. A suggestion is to go to some GP who does not know you a few months before you decide to try to go through the process. This way, you can legitimately put in the correct details as to who is your GP and if they check there won't be a problem.

3. Be very noncommittal in answers to your assessor. They ultimately give the recommendation as to whether you are suitable to adopt or not. We do not know what the story is in the US, but here, the assessors are all too powerful. You realistically only get one shot at getting the assessment done.

4. Keep a listing of any titbit, article, news, contact, book, journal etc you have ever read/seen/been given in relation to adoption and issues to do with adopting - the assessor seems only able to determine what you know if you can sprout forth with pages (of what you've read).

5. If this seems all too cynical for some looking at embarking on the process of adoption - learn by others' experiences. Unfortunately, we thought we would be honest; it does not work in your favour. We have since talked to other successful adoptive parents who explained just what we have told you above. It's terrible one needs to be restrictive in the level and type of info you give the bureaucrats, but that's the way it is. Don't believe any of the departmental officers and assessors (about) what you should and should not say. Learn from past experience of adoptive parents and those who have gone through the process - us.

6. Smile at all times with your assessor. Do not grit your teeth or show any displeasure at the intrusive nature and manner of the person. Do not challenge or disagree with whatever comes out of their mouths. While it is recognized by the prospective parents, the child is the one whose welfare is most at heart here, the power and control of the assessors is unbelievable, so PLAY THE GAMES. Just think - it is only for 15-20 hours of interrogation. You can do it.

This info is designed to assist all who are realistically looking to adopt a child. Please learn from others' mistakes and avoid a lot of heartache along the way.

Good luck to any and all contemplating the rough ride to adoption. We thought we were trying to bring joy to children's lives as well as our own!

jac1013@hotmail.com