My Story

I was adopted as an infant.

I grew up named Diaz, but did not look the name. I had blonde hair and fair skin. After people got to (and still do) know me, they would say "you don't look much like Hispanic like your name suggests". Although my father does not have strong Hispanic features, he is darker skinned like my adopted brother. Most people thought my brother was their natural son. I am also 6'0" tall and my adoptive parents are much shorter. This also added to people's confusion.

After I told questioners I was adopted they understood. I always knew I was adopted and my parents did not hide the fact from my brother or me who was also adopted.

I always wondered who my birth mother and father were. Mostly, I just wanted to know two things: what their last names were and what they looked like. The concept of siblings was hard to grasp as my adoption was MINE and I was probably selfish with it and did not allow room for brothers or sisters.
I envisioned a life with my mother from time to time growing up, but always knew my adoptive parents were Mom and Dad. Who could steal what they imparted and gave to me? They raised and provided, cleaned up after me, nurtured me, need I say more.

I had my first son at age 22. I was terribly hungry for there to be another human on this planet that I knew had my blood in his veins. I coveted this experience. His birth partially satisfied a void of physical existence, but it also opened up questions and motivation to pursue the reunion search.

Although at 18 years of age, I knew I could get access to my records, I never really dove into the search. Shortly before my son's birth, I contacted Wayne County Catholic Social Services in Detroit about my records. I talked to somebody about "non-identifying information" which was no help. I was very frustrated because the answers to my lifelong quest were probably in a file in their hands and out of my touch.

I tried my best to extract all the information I could, but learned no more than my adoptive parents knew and told me. They recommended I read the "Adoption Triangle" and also try contacting "AIM - Adoption Identity Movement". I vetoed the book, but about nine months later, I contacted AIM.

I gave AIM all the information I knew such as my first and middle birth name, the hospital I was born at, and that I had Aunts that were twins . Four weeks later they called me back and said they found a match with my Mother.

I was not ready for this! I was anticipating a two-year quest and was flooded with 23 years of emotions and questions. I was worried about rejection, but also what if she was not what I wanted her to be and tried to latch onto me and I did not want to be involved!

My birth mother ran personal ads in the paper every year on my birthday from the time I was 18 and left information on how to contact her. It said "To my birth son born on 6-6-66 (yes, this is my true birthday) at so and so hospital, your birthmother wishes to contact you. If interested, please call 555-1234."

The contact at AIM called the number and compared the information I submitted. AIM confirmed the match with a direct phone call to the number. The next day I spoke to my birthmother. It was really strange. Although this person and I had so much in common, after the first five minutes of phone conversation, I felt there was nothing left to talk about, and she was a stranger. I answered half of my questions (I still had to see her) plus learned details of the adoption, my Father and my younger half siblings. The next day I met her face to face and the following day, I met my three half sisters.

Coincidentally, the week before, my teenage sisters were joking with my birthmother and said, "wow, wouldn't it really be weird if we had a long lost brother....". My mother had never told them about me. When she heard this, she did tell them, and they wanted to start searching for me immediately! Amazingly out of the blue, I called that next week.

Seeing my sisters completed my quest for physical identity. One had my hands, another had my eyes, etc. Each has different personalities, and I have all three of their personalities to some extent. This is Nature vs. Nurture analysis in its truest form. Even though I was raised separate from them, we are very much alike in some respects, and also very different in others. I gained much confidence after upon filling this void.

I visited with them often for several months. I had an urge to spend time just with my mother, as if she were mine and I was cheated out of my rightful time and that I deserved some time together just her and I. But, I realized this was not possible because I had a family to support and spend time with.

To this day seven years later, I have not spent a lot of time with my birthmother, and have spent more time with my sisters. I would like to see them more, but there is only one of me and four of them. So our relationship has developed slowly and not without ups and downs.

I also met my birthfather. During my first phone call, I said "hello, my name is Todd James... I am so and so's son she put up for adoption and you are my father"

The phone went silent. My attitude was very happy and light, but he acted like I opened up the past he was trying to ignore. After about 30 seconds he started to loosen up. He was not (and still is not) able to deal with the situation. I met him shortly after, and learned I have an older half brother. Nobody in his family to this day knows of me.

After seven years, I have only seen him two times and at the beginning. I recently contacted him and will soon see him again. But I do not have any expectations. This way you cannot be let down.

My relationship with my sisters is stronger than with my mother. They and I share no guilt or fault with what happened. None of us asked to be born from whatever circumstances, we just showed up one day. I also have never been bitter or angry with my birthmother for what happened. I figured her decision to put me up for adoption was not easy and she made her decision based on her current circumstances and someone else could better raise me.

I am happy my adoptive mother and father raised me and I love them very much.

If you choose to search for a parent or sibling, be patient, do not bring expectations, but rather just be thankful for whatever you receive.

Best Regards,
Paul Alfred Diaz (formally)
Todd James Cummings (birth name)

Credits: Paul Alfred Diaz