Response to Julie (Speak Out Article 4/1/03)

Julie:

Unfortunately, I do not have any information pertaining to your adoption; however, I can make a suggestion in regard to the situation with your adoptive parents. I just turned 21 in February and like you, I found myself thinking about my biological mother. It is the same every birthday or big event, but my 21st birthday was a little different.

My parents have always been open with me about being adopted and when I turned 18, I asked for more information if there was any. As it turned out, my adoptive parents had all of my papers which they gave to me and allowed me to look through. No one's feelings were hurt because everyone (myself, my mom and my dad) was open about their feelings. I let them know that no two people in my life are more important to me than they are, and that my asking for more information or for searching had nothing to do with their parenting (good or bad) and that it was just something I had to do.

Julie, I think what needs to be stressed the most, if you decide to move forward and talk to your parents, is that you need to let them know that they are your parents and you couldn't be happier with how you ended up. Remind them that they are the reason you are who you are today and no one can take that away, not even your biological parents. Trust me, your parents have been preparing since day 1 for you to bring this up. They are more ready then you are to deal with it. They will understand your want and need for more information and to search. No question in my mind.

If you need/want to talk more, feel free to email me at dwilkins@wilkins-media.com.

DW