A Biting Two-Year-Old
Question: Recently our 2-year-old daughter has been biting people, and we're wondering what we can do to stop it--and if it could be a sign of a serious ongoing emotional problem.
Answer: Biting is one of the most alarming of child behaviors--both for the victims and for the adults who are responsible for the biting child. But, for several reasons, biting is not unusual among toddlers.
First, 2-year-olds are often full of frustration. There is so much they want to do but can't, either because they have not yet developed the skills or because adults won't let them. And, speaking of authority, 2-year-olds are just beginning to discover the meaning of power and the limits of their own. Still very self-centered, they are frustrated and angry about the control parents and other adults are exerting over them. They are not at all happy with their newly emerging knowledge that they are not the center of the world.
Perhaps most important of all, 2-year-olds have few if any words to express their feelings, which leads them to act out their emotions, sometimes with bad results.
But normal or not, biting must be stopped for the sake of everyone involved. And because biting can inflict serious injury and cause infection, your daughter will need very close supervision until the behavior is brought under control. As with any other hurtful behavior, there are several steps you can take to teach her to be more gentle and to find more appropriate ways of expressing her feelings when she gets angry or frustrated.
The second your daughter starts to bite, tell her strongly and firmly, "No biting." If she doesn't stop immediately, move her away from the situation. Sometimes parents are tempted to spank or even bite a child to show them how much it hurts. But that is terribly confusing to a child who needs a clear message that it is not all right to hurt another person.
If she has reason to be angry or frustrated with the person she's trying to bite, put your daughter's feelings into words for her. For example, you might say, "You're really mad that he won't share the blocks." As she develops language, she will have learned from your example and can be encouraged to use words to express her own feelings.
Whenever your daughter is aggressive toward someone, help her to tell them she's sorry. Then, rather than keeping your focus on her, offer sympathy to the person she hurt.
Be mindful of the example that you and other adults are setting for her when you become angry or frustrated. Although she is still very young and will need lots of direct support and teaching to learn how to manage her feelings, in the long run your example will be the best teacher of all. And that will make life easier for her and you.
Editor's note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. You may fax them to (612) 624-6369 or send them to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.
