I am doing a essay on whether adoption is good or bad and the problems and the advantages involved. I picked this topic because I believe in adoption and want to know what you think about it.
Thank you,
Amanda

Dear Amanda,

As a birthmother of a somewhat older generation, I do get some flack about this; but I am very PRO adoption. I could write a novel about my feelings, however, I will try to condense them (those of you who know me can stop laughing now).

Adoption laws of the past are archaic and need to be changed. Luckily, some attitudes have changed - society does not mandate that unwed mothers relinquish their babies. Society, in and of itself, has changed and so should such laws.

People should also stop using the argument that birthmothers were promised confidentiality. That promise was created for agencies and adopting parents. Granted there are some birthmoms who do not want to be found, but they are the minority rather than the claimed majority.

It also used to be thought that an adoptee who wanted to find his/her birthfamily was weird (to put it nicely). Well, people are realizing now that that was also way off base.

One reason for all these errors is that too many people with no connection at all to adoption take it upon themselves to form and express opinions.

Adoptions now are mostly 'open' to contact. Of course, when abuse or neglect is involved it can be a different ballgame.

One peeve of mine is these new baby dumping laws. I feel they were created for agencies - agencies that thwart reunions now because so many lies were involved. Now with this new law, they can't share information, as they will know nothing of the child's heritage, medical history etc. They will not have to worry about people suing them, as in a recent California case where an adoptee, who murdered child, had a family history of mental illness which was not shared with the adoptive parents. The new laws could be easily abused, if agencies claim a child was 'dumped' when there are problems they (agencies) don't want to reveal.

There are other reasons why I don't like these laws. I feel they sanction child abuse. In almost every state, a pregnant woman can usually qualify for medical assistance if she cannot afford to pay for care. BUT... OB/GYNs do things like drug screenings, and if a pregnant woman is found to be on drugs, she can be charged with child abuse. Of course all people who dump a child are not into drugs, but they are still being abusive by not caring for their unborn child while it is in utero.

As for young women who hide the entire pregnancy out of fear of their parents or whatever else, I don't have much sympathy for them either. They were old enough to get pregnant and should act responsibly. Birth control is widely available so, unless a person is raped, there are really no 'accidental' pregnancies. Having unprotected sex is asking to get pregnant or worse.

These laws make it sound as though adoption is illegal or something. Adoption is and has always been a legal option. And a much needed one, I feel.

Best wishes,
Lezli

Lezli Adams
AskBmom
found daughter Julie on 3/18/1999
born 10/10/1968 in Ohio
adopted in Indiana now in Texas
Leave no stone unturned.