Your son comes home from school and by his side is someone you don't know. Your son introduces him as "my best friend".

This friend meets every requirement for your worst nightmare. Maybe it's his unkempt look, the clothes he wears, or the pierced eyebrow sporting a gold earring. Your heart sinks.

Teens are rebelling, trying out adult roles, and discovering individuality. We may not approve of the results, but the process is normal and healthy. Try looking beyond the dirty facade, see past the unwashed hair, and look into the eyes beneath that pierced eyebrow. There is a real person there, maybe a very nice person.

I once worked with a teen that lived on his own. Injured in a fight, we were warned someone should watch him for signs of concussion. His young roommate took on the job. This was a gang member, somewhat violent. I watched him change sheets, and tenderly care for this young man. He monitored him all night. No one could have had a better nurse.

Use reverse psychology; invite this young person to dinner with your family. Sometimes when your child sees his "best friend" with his own family, the friend appears in a different light. This kid may be inappropriate, but spend time with him before judgment.

Whatever you do, don't forbid your child to see this kid. When you do, parents always lose. In my experience, the forbidden friend is more desired. The unwritten law says the attraction for the one disapproved of will be in direct proportion to the disapproval you exhibit.

So do nothing, of course not. That is not the answer. Short occasional messages, given in a calm voice, let your child know you are concerned. Don't shout, ground, or forbid.

When the questionable friend visits, have certain expectations. It is okay to set limits in your own home. The guest must also follow the rules.

Often, your child will turn the other kid around. Your family has a wonderful opportunity to help that child.

We are all on this earth together; forget prejudice. You may save a youngster. Some day you may proudly introduce him as your child's best friend.

Credits: Jo Ann Wentzel