Adopting Polish Twins

Our four-year-old twins, Marcin Michael and Anna Magdalena, arrived home on April 5, 2001. Four and a half months have already passed, the same length of time we waited, from the time we saw the one small photograph and two-minute video of the twins until our first adoption court date in Poland. The waiting period seemed to drag on endlessly, but the time home with our children has flown by.

My husband Michael and I actively began pursuing a Polish adoption in January of 1999. We always wanted two children, so as we looked into adoption, we quickly realized we wanted to complete our family in one process. We knew that might also give us the opportunity to adopt siblings. Incidentally, when we were asked our preferences for the age and sex of the children, I told my husband (with a laugh) that I wanted twins, a boy and a girl, under the age of five. Although I knew that was not realistic, as fate would have it, Anna and Marcin were matched with us. The process from making the decision to pursue adoption to finally becoming parents was a long, emotional journey, but it was definitely worthwhile. We have been more than blessed with these two beautiful four-year-olds. When I returned home I remember writing "I'm now glad we had a long waiting period. If we hadn't, we wouldn't have ended up with our children and we may not have been as appreciative of them".

In this article we share our Polish adoption experience and the experiences of six other American couples. We hope this article will benefit those who would like to adopt more than one child and may be given the opportunity to adopt twins.

PREPARATION AND TRAVEL

Preparing for adopting children can be overwhelming. The thing that kept us going throughout the process was the support we received from various sources. First and foremost was our adoption facilitator, Mimi Huminski, of Huminska's Anioly, and our social worker, Denise Weiss, who is a co-owner of Forever Families adoption agency in Novi, Michigan. Both of them kept us informed of exactly what we needed to do to complete the paperwork process, and once the paperwork was submitted, they kept us abreast of when it was approved by the Polish Adoption Commission.

We also received wonderful support and encouragement from family and friends, but the most valuable support came from the couples active in our local chapter of the Polish Adoptive Parents Association. I cannot stress enough how helpful it was (and still is) to talk to couples who had already adopted or were in various stages of the adoption process. We received valuable information from everyone, especially Ed and Tracy Weick of Romeo, Michigan. They had already adopted a beautiful three-year-old boy from the same Catholic orphanage our children were from, so they were able to provide us with specific details about the town and the people we would be working with. This helped us to be well prepared for our trip.

I also took a Polish language class for a year and a half while we waited. For me, this was invaluable as I stayed in Poland for seven weeks. My stay was not required, but my husband and I viewed it as an investment in our family's future. Speaking Polish was not necessary as our lawyer was truly dedicated and handled everything for us. However, I knew I would be on my own part of the time. As it turns out, even knowing limited Polish, I was able to function on a daily basis. Without any knowledge of the language, I could not have managed because the nuns at the orphanage, and most shopkeepers and taxi drivers spoke no English. But most important, I was able to communicate on a minimal basis with my children, who themselves have a limited speaking vocabulary due to speech delays. Currently, our twins are still using Polish words mixed with their English words, but we can always figure out what they are trying to say. I believe my taking that Polish class made the twins' overall transition easier on all of us.

While I was in Gliwice, Poland, our lawyer was also working with a couple from the Chicago area, Iwona and Patrick Boyle, who were adopting three brothers from the same orphanage. Iwona was born in Poland and spent her early childhood there. She remains fluent in Polish, which was a tremendous benefit as she was able to instantly communicate with her children and speak directly to the nuns, psychologist, judge, etc. in Polish.

Another couple I spoke with, Kathy Kolik, M.D. (who is second-generation Polish American) and Mark Ketchen, who adopted three-year-old twins, also benefited from Kathy's fluency in Polish. Kathy noted how this helped her a lot throughout the adoption process, as she also was able to speak directly to everyone in Poland. She stressed that it is an asset to speak at least a few words or phrases in Polish, as it means a lot to the Polish people and shows respect to them. Kathy and Mark brought their children, a boy and a girl, home on the children's fourth birthday: May 1, 1997.

Anna and John B. of Michigan adopted four-year-old twins, Ryan and Kaitlyn, from Warsaw, arriving home in June 2001. Anna pointed out that their experience in Poland varied greatly from others they talked to as they stayed only in Warsaw where English was commonly spoken. They also shared a heartwarming story about how quickly their children began to pick up English words. As they put their children to bed after only being home a week, Anna heard them talking so she went to quiet them down. When she turned on their bedroom light, she said the children looked like deer caught in headlights as they were both sitting up talking. Although they had not spoken a word of English up to this point, Ryan tried to avoid getting in trouble by turning to Anna and in perfectly clear English saying, "Love you".

As Michael and I waited and prepared, I wondered if I might find myself liking or loving one twin more than the other. I did know I would love them differently as they are two different people, but I was concerned that I might not love them equally. After watching the pre-adoption video hundreds of times while we were waiting to travel, I felt as if I had already bonded with each of them equally, but would that actually be the case? Any fear was immediately put to rest the minute Anna and Marcin walked through the door for the first time. We loved them unconditionally and equally from the moment we laid eyes on them and held them in our arms. I was amazed.

Ann and Mark, of Livonia, Michigan, also adopted from the same orphanage in Gliwice as we did. They shared a similar experience when they were introduced to their twin boys, Adam and Peter, on their first birthday in July, 1999. The highlights of that birthday celebration were the joyful embraces Mark and Ann received when Peter and Adam were placed in their arms for the first time. Ann and Mark were convinced these two beautiful babies were the children they had longed to have for many years.

Julie and Dave, of Brighton, Michigan, remember the confused and cautious looks on their twin boys' faces when they were initially introduced as "Matka" and "Tata" on August 3, 1998. They remember Joshua Piotr wearing an all green outfit and Nathaniel Pawel being dressed in all red. They noted how they were shy, yet charming, the first few days. They commented on how every day was a new lesson in parenting as they shared one of their stories. Their children had been described as two active boys, which turned out to be very accurate. They had given the boys washable markers to draw with while they were interacting with them at their first meeting. However, by the time the nurse returned, the boys had drawn not only on the paper, but also on themselves, the table, the floor and the cushions. As new parents, they were amazed at the speed at which their boys managed to do this. Luckily, the markers really were washable and the nurse got the boys in order and cleaned up the room. Julie and Dave found out if they turned their backs, even for the briefest moment, the boys were into everything. Yet, even though there were many rough spots during their time in Poland, they now find themselves reminiscing in the evenings about how cute the boys were, the mischief they got into and how they came running to Julie and Dave each morning when they picked them up at the orphanage.

HOMECOMING

The transition from life in a Polish orphanage to life with an American family is, of course, as unique as the individuals involved.

Elaine and Al, of Delaware, adopted twins, Simon (Szymon) and Victoria (Wiktoria), who were born in Zagan, Poland in February 1995. They found that their two-year-old twins were angels when they were apart and more difficult to handle when they were together. So on their plane ride from Warsaw in January 1998, Elaine and Victoria were on one side of the plane and Al and Simon on the other. They believe this was the best move they ever made-the twins never saw each other on the plane, so there was no "fighting" to deal with.

Mary Lynn and Scott, from Michigan, shared their experience on how their four-year-old twin boys, Lukas and Matthew, made their transition to family life when they came home in April, 1998. Mary Lynn points out that the question she is most often asked is, "How long did it take for Lukas and Matthew to adjust to their new life in the U.S.?" Her answer is, "About one minute"! She said, "From the moment they walked into our house, sat down together in one chair sharing Cheerios and watching cartoons, they were HOME!" Mary Lynn believes the sense of comfort and security Lukas and Matthew felt in their new surroundings was due to the wonderful preparation they received by the orphanage director who worked with the boys to prepare them for their new life. Upon meeting the boys for the first time, Mary Lynn and Scott were already "Mamusia" and "Tatos" and the twins ran to them with open arms. Mary Lynn adds that her children continue to be very loving and affectionate and says she and her husband are very lucky to have such wonderful, healthy and active little boys.

For Michael and me, I feared the transition period would be challenging and tiring. And it turned out to be a very exhausting experience. The day before the children left the orphanage, I was informed that Anna and Marcin cried during the night. When we had asked the orphanage physician earlier about their sleeping patterns we were only told they rocked themselves to sleep. We found that neither twin rocked at all, but their heartbreaking, uncontrollable crying went on throughout the entire night, each night, for more than a month. This is where I found having twins to be difficult as I tried to juggle comforting both of them at the same time. My husband was not able to assist me as they would push him away and cry, "Only Mama, not Tata!" in Polish. The intensity and frequency of their bouts of crying gradually decreased and now occurs only a couple times a night and both twins are easily comforted back to sleep. In addition, they have bonded well with Tata now, although, like many children, they still prefer Mama at night. It actually is amazing at how the children have progressed to this point in such a short time.

Fortunately, significant sleep disturbances are not an issue for many children. Anna and John B. shared the fact that Ryan and Kaitlyn slept through the night in the orphanage and have continued to do so since the first night they spent together in Warsaw.

Julie and Dave said the first year home with Joshua and Nathaniel was quite an adjustment period for all of them. They expressed how lucky they were to have very supportive family and friends who were willing to help them during their transition in becoming a family. Michael and I also appreciate the support we have received from family, friends and neighbors.

FAMILY LIFE

Many families shared with us the importance of maintaining the children's Polish heritage. Julie and Dave continue to work at this as their boys were in a Polish dance group and they are active in the Polish Adoptive Parent Association. I plan to do the same, as well as continue my Polish class with the hope that my twins will be interested in "relearning" the language in the future.

Julie and Dave also noted that they are celebrating the third anniversary of their adoption day and find it hard to believe Joshua and Nathaniel have already spent more than half of their lives with them. They are starting kindergarten and are happy, healthy, intelligent and (still!) very active. They know God had a hand in bringing their boys to them and continue to thank Him everyday. Ironically, Joshua's favorite color is green and Nathaniel's is red, just like the outfits they were wearing when they first met their new parents.

It's heartwarming to see how twins look out for each other. Our twins, Marcin and Anna, are very attached to each other. It was bittersweet for me to leave Poland after my stay. I obviously knew we would be able to provide a much better life for them, but it was very emotional for me to take them out of their birth country, away from their native language and culture, and away from the nuns, caregivers and children at the orphanage. At least I knew they had each other and that was something very special that could not be taken away from them, especially as they were about to face such dramatic changes in their lives. Fortunately, as they did for Lukas and Matthew, the orphanage nuns prepared our twins as best they could for those changes.

If Marcin and Anna are separated for more than a few minutes they ask where the other one is, but they function well independently. The orphanage director told us that when our twins entered the orphanage at sixteen months, Marcin would always follow Anna around. He continues to be protective of her. They are also good about sharing treats with each other. The first time we offered a treat to Marcin, he started yelling "Anna, Anna" with great urgency; he wanted to be sure she got a treat, too. She did the same for him. To this day, if I hand two treats to one twin, he or she will automatically give a treat to the other one.

Julie and Dave shared a similar experience regarding Nathaniel and Joshua. The boys have a strong bond and look out for each other. When Julie handed Nathaniel a treat on the plane ride home from Poland, he immediately grabbed a second one to hand to Joshua in the row behind him.

Ann and Mark have also found their children's concern for each other to be great. Ann shared how one morning Peter skinned his nose and head when he walked off the porch steps and Adam cried for fifteen minutes. Ann and Mark know there is a bond between their boys that only the twins themselves can truly understand.

Elaine and Al find that their twins are perfect playmates for each other and still become a bit melancholy when the other one isn't around.

Raising twins has many benefits. They are usually at about the same physical and developmental stage, so can share many items. In addition, they are usually on similar home and school schedules. Yet twins have their challenges; it can be difficult to address both of their needs at the same time. Anna and Mark know people say twins are twice the work, but they say they are also twice the love.

And, of course, with twins there can be twice as much mischief. Elaine and Al continue to be amazed at the ideas their children come up with. Elaine says, "Two minds that think alike can be dangerous!" Anna B., a twin herself, fondly remembers her mother saying, "What one can't, two can!" when describing how she and her twin managed to get into things they shouldn't. Anna notes that being able to think like a twin has helped her stay a step ahead of her active children...most of the time. She stresses that maintaining the individuality of twins is extremely important. She says that all of her childhood studio pictures were of her and her twin together, so with her own twins she makes sure individual portraits are also taken.

Adoption is a unique experience in itself and adopting twins internationally may not be for everyone, but for all of us who contributed to this article, it has truly been a double blessing.

Jackie Zander Perantoni lives in Royal Oak, MI, with her husband of 11 years and their 4-year-old twins. She holds a BS degree in Physical Therapy from Wayne State University in Detroit, MI and a M.H.S. degree in Physical Therapy from the University of Indianapolis. A physical therapist since 1988, she is now a stay-at-home mother.

Jackie Zander Perantoni
815 Maplegrove Avenue
Royal Oak, MI 48067-1692
248-399-7125 phone
248-399-9165 fax
jackiezp@aol.com

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