Adoption Preparation Questions

People come to the adoption choice from various directions. Some might be singles who determine that adoption is their best option for becoming a parent. Some might be couples who have struggled with infertility issues. Some might be couples who feel that their family isn't "complete" and add adopted children to their biological children.
The common questions one asks before deciding to adopt often include:

Can we afford it?
Do we have room?
What age?
Domestic or international?
Boy or girl?
Will they like me?
Will I like them?
What school will they go to?
What color should their room be?
And even, when can I take her to Disney World?!

But, prospective parents need to move beyond the basics and consider some of the potential issues and challenges of becoming adoptive parents.

~ How will I handle my friends, family, and co-workers telling me horror stories about adopted children, and trying to dissuade me from adopting?

~ Am I comfortable with the fact that my child will have a somewhat complicated life, due to having two families?

~ Do I understand that my child, even if adopted as a baby, will most likely be traumatized at first by being moved to new smells, new food, new people?

~ How will I feel toward the birth parents?

~ When my child shares memories, or asks questions about her past, can I be comfortable and patient in talking about them?

~ If my child is adopted from another country and doesn't speak English, how will I communicate? Will I be dependent upon my child to do all the learning, or can I learn the basics of her language?

~ Am I expecting my child to feel grateful for adopting her and taking her from her "bad" life to a "good" life?

~ Can I accept the fact that if I adopt an older child, she probably won't consider her past "all bad" and may in fact be angry at first for me for adopting her?

~ Can I accept the fact that my child will have feelings of loss and grief at various times throughout her life due to her adopted "status?"

~ Do I understand about attachment and bonding? Am I willing to learn what it takes and spend the time to foster a solid attachment between my new child and I? Am I willing to put some of my life on hold until my child feels comfortable and attached?

~ What if my child needs counseling/therapy? Am I willing to commit the time and money to get her the care she needs?

~ What if my child has a biological or psychological disorder that I don't know about before adopting?

~ How will I handle inappropriate questions about my child's past?

Adoptive parenting, like all parenting, brings joys and challenges. Prospective adoptive parents need to honestly assess their ability to live what may be a somewhat more complicated parenting role than biological parenting brings.

Credits: Susan M. Ward, an older child adoption specialist, provides parent coaching and resources for adoptive families. Susan's training has focused on adoption issues relating to attachment, grief, and parenting. She's also the adoptive parent of a child healed from RAD (reactive attachment disorder). Her website is www.OlderChildAdoptionSupport.com.