The prospective adoptive parents were enthusiastically recruited. After weeks of training, hoards of questions, and months of waiting, they are excited to bring their child home. The child, on the other hand, feels angry-as though he's been kidnapped by strangers. When his negative behaviors escalate, the parents are crushed. The child returns to foster care and the parents leave the program, forever shaken by their experience and certain to share their horror story.

A disrupted adoption is by far the most difficult way to lose a family. Deloise President and her unit of adoption workers in Lucas County, Ohio, needed a creative solution to this painful retention problem. With the belief that "it's wrong to assume we only need to aggressively find parents," President has become "equally aggressive in helping kids prepare to be part of their new family system." For over four years, Lucas County has conducted adoption readiness groups for children ages 7 to 14 whose workers are actively recruiting on their behalf.

Although Lucas County children receive therapy in care, workers noted that the children need extra help to understand and address their unique feelings while waiting for adoption. Using Getting Ready for Adoption, published by Adoption World Specialties, Lucas County staff guide two readiness groups per quarter through a wide range of topics (see below). The book follows nine-year-old David as his social worker helps him to find a family. David appears on a waiting child feature, visits with a family, moves in, fears being returned to foster care, argues with his new little brother, learns to share and love, and ultimately is adopted. Worksheets and exercises help children process their own feelings about adoption.

The book was designed as an individual exercise between a child and worker, but provided an excellent foundation for Lucas County groups. Workers determine the groups size and participants based on children's ages and personalities, and have successfully composed cohesive groups. The workers are flexible, pacing the lessons of Getting Ready for Adoption and adding additional discussion time as seems appropriate for the particular children. Typically groups meet for six or seven sessions.

For President, the investment to develop the program, arrange transportation for the children, and devote staff time to group facilitation is worth it. "Helping children to deal with the baggage they carry is an uphill battle," she says, "but it is possible." The Lucas County staff members who facilitate adoption readiness groups are loving and nurturing, but President notes, "I frankly find support from the other children is often more important." Children console and encourage each other. Often, one child is able to put into words the same emotions another child struggles to express. When the children see that others share their grief, anger, and inner conflicts surrounding birth families and adoption, they no longer blame themselves.

In addition, since the groups help children discuss the characteristics of families who would suit them best, matching has become easier. Adoption readiness groups "help children to accept their part in making their adoptions work," and reduce acting out behaviors in the new home. Most importantly, children often come into the group full of anger, saying, "I don't want to be adopted," and as the group discusses what it means to have a forever family to return to, they have a change of heart.

Getting Ready for Adoption topics:

*separation from birth families,

*recruitment efforts,

*qualities of families,

*realistic expectations,

*building trust,

*giving and receiving love,

*moving and adjusting to a new home, and

*finalization.

To learn more, contact Deloise President at 419-213-3395 or Adoption World Specialties at 319-365-3454.