My name is Tonja Williams and I am in the process of adopting my nephew, Dimetrus, who is now 10 years old and has been with me since his birth. Dimetrus is son number six of my sister's eight children (seven boys, one girl). We are African American, and Dimetrus is the only one of his siblings that will be adopted.

I have three biological daughters of my own; Tiffani who is 19 years old, attending the University of California at Davis; Whitnii, age 17, a junior in high school, and Ashlii age 15, a freshman in high school, and Dimetrus, without a doubt, whom is the joy of our lives.

After years of cheerleading and shopping, we now have the opportunity to enjoy boy scouts, baseball, basketball, football, bugs and simply exploring all the other fun stuff that we would have normally missed out on due to girly things.

Our adoption process has been a trying event for me, yet I have hidden all the unpleasant issues from Dimetrus. In the last ten years, we have had at least eight or more social workers of all races, genders, each of them posing different opinions.

What seems to be the highlighted issue of this unique case is that I have not told him that I am not his mother. For years, my honest reason for not telling him was due the fact that I felt he was not ready to conceive this information (maturity wise). However, I now feel that the time has arrived and he should be told. My only problem is that I do not have the heart to tell him. My heart saddens every time I think about it or even when getting advice from others on how to handle such a fragile situation. The unknown result of how this will affect him is what frightens me.

Having been raised by both my parents, and in turn raising my own children, does not make a situation such as Dimetrus' easy for the soul, let alone to just have it roll off of one's tongue. I believe that one of the most precious things in this world is children. I whole-heartedly feel that they are entitled to pure happiness. Why should the faults of adults be burdens on them? To imagine that this could have a detrimental effect on him is alarming to me as a parent.

Our experience as a family in the adopting process has had many twist and turns that are not relevant to Dimetrus' happiness (because I have and will shield him from all hurt or harm within my power). Other than not being equipped with the verbal ability to express to my son that I am not the woman who gave birth to him, Dimetrus is a blessing to me from God. (He is) a challenge that was placed in my life, which I have every intention of carrying out to the fullest. Perhaps not equipped verbally to translate the unfortunate phase of his life to him, but nevertheless, I armed with all life's necessities that are vital in rearing successful and productive young people that will one day be positive assets to our society. There is no difference in Tiffani, Whitnii, Ashlii, and Dimetrus. I am their mother, and they are my children.

I have read T. Moore's posting and wanted her to know that I am also African American and would not trade my decision to adopt for anything in this world. I love Dimetrus. I am his mother, and the only mother he has ever known!

Twad1mom@aol.com

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