Carol Lane van Staden of Durban South Africa met her life partner at 38, leaving only a small window period to try and have a baby. Their attempts failed and now they plan to adopt. She spoke to Glynis Homing.

I kissed a lot of toads before finding my Prince five years ago. Raymond was a year younger than me - and the most wonderful man I'd ever met. And I'd met many, over some dozen years in a colourful field. As a broadcast journalist! I'd covered everything from war in Mozambique to rhino captures, lion darting and the unrest that shook South Africa before the 1994 elections.

I was passionate about my work; it absorbed me utterly. And I hadn't met a man yet who could make me even consider slowing down and starting a family. Ray, however, was different. Warm, funny, exciting and extraordinarily understanding. As the head of a Durban-based investigation company, he shared many of my interests, and we clicked the instant we met.

At the time, neither Ray nor I had ever contemplated marriage, but Ray confessed he'd thought about having children. And after we'd been living and working together for six months, I finally found myself thinking about it too. Suddenly it felt like the most natural thing in the world to marry, so we did. And a year later we decided to take the plunge into parenthood.

Even though I was 39, I got pregnant almost at once. Our ecstasy, however, was short-lived. I miscarried at three months. I'd been so cavalier about having children, but now I wanted them desperately. I had the great husband, the beach house full of dogs and parrots and horses, and I wanted a baby to complete it. My gynae was candid that my age was against us! and I was put on hormone treatment, It failed. Then we went the IVF route and that failed too. I felt disappointed, devastated. I would have tried it again - I'd have gladly put up with those five injections a day, and worse. But Ray and I began asking ourselves what would happen if we succeeded. The odds of my having a Down's syndrome baby and other complications were growing with every year. And how long would we have to try? In January last year we called Pregnancy Crisis in Amanzimtoti and were given the name of a social worker who arranges private adoptions. She impressed us immediately - so down-to-earth and positive. She explained all that was involved, and we went for medical checkups and counseling.

Now we're on the waiting list. We've been told that it may take us anything from two to five years, but that feels like no time at all to wait for a healthy newborn to share our life and our love.

People may wonder if I regret waiting so long before trying for a family. But I wouldn't have wanted a baby without this particular man, this particular life. I now work with Ray full-time, and we've tackled everything from drug busts and murder investigations to Hansiegate, where we formed part of Cronje's legal team, 'If we hadn't met, I'd still be chasing lions and news stories instead of riding my horse along the beach, waiting for the phone to ring. The nappies and bottles are ready!'

Contributed by: Carol Lane Van Staden

© 2003