This is a selection from the book "Raising Children Who Think For Themselves" by Dr. Eisa Medhus. From the chapter titled "Specific Child Rearing Challenges - How to Handle Them to Encourage Self-Direction", the following introduction is offered.

"The best way to make children good is to make them happy." - Oscar Wilde

Here are some inner-directed suggestions that will help with some of the most trying child-rearing difficulties we may stumble upon. All of these approaches are designed to preserve your children's ability to rely on internal dialogue instead of external influences to assess and correct their behavior. Using this section as a ready reference will help you raise a self-directed child, even if it means carrying the book, tattered and tear-stained, to the market, in the car, or at home. There are some challenges that, I hope you will never have to face, but others will be as inevitable as a pimple on prom night.

To get to self-direction, there are a few universal caveats that apply to the described behavior. First, our children need to understand and agree with both the need for the rule and the consequence for breaking it. Only when they come to agree with our rules, through their own internal dialogue, will they become self-directed. Second, look to your own parenting strategy as the possible source of some of the problem. Are you over-controlling or over-protective? Either trait can elicit an externally directed response, as your children react to an unhealthy situation. Third, remember for all these parenting challenges how important it is for you as parents, to model the right behavior. If you're expecting your children to act one way and you act another, the double standard will throw a monkey wrench into their whole internal dialogue machinery.

And lastly, don't forget to laugh.

Alcohol, Drugs and Smoking

Why they do it
Children resort to substance abuse for many reasons, all of which I've discussed in chapter 7.
Logical consequences
The consequences should be harsh and nonnegotiable. For instance, they can be subjected to a three-month period where they're not allowed to go out with their friends: "John, you're making too many terrible choices when you're with your friends, so I'll have to remove you from them until I feel comfortable that you're ready to make more responsible decisions."
Take their car away for three months. They can spend a couple of weekends volunteering in a halfway house for teens recovering from substance abuse problems or in other community service projects that deal with this same issue.

Solutions toward self-direction
Have your child and the rest of the family get appropriate counseling if substance abuse is more than a one-time experiment. Investigating family relationships and uncovering depression or other psychiatric illnesses may be vital.
Use examples. I love to point out the old folks dragging their oxygen canisters behind them in the grocery store, with long green tubes connecting them via their nostrils. Or how about that drunk singing show tunes at the bus stop? Pretty hip, eh?
Use questioning: "What are the rules about smoking in our family?" "Why do you suppose we have that rule?" "What do you think when you see Aunt Sally smoking?"
"When you make better choices and stop sneaking alcohol at parties, then we'll feel more comfortable about giving you back your car."