"Being in balance allows me to be a good parent," says Wanda Shell Track Wanda Shell Track has met and conquered many challenges along her parenting journey. She's faced being forced as a child to leave her family and American Indian heritage, losing her own children while struggling with alcoholism, and learning how to break free of abusive relationships.

But with the help of counselors and parent educators who understand the Native American culture, Wanda has prevailed. Today, she is raising her three youngest children, ages 8, 5 and 3 and is actively working at coparenting with the father of her older children, ages 20, 18, 15 and 12. Her primary parenting goal is to instill in them an understanding of who they are as Indian people, which she believes is essential for a healthy and balanced life. Now a grandmother herself, Wanda looks back on her life on the Standing Rock Reservation in North Dakota, her experience in white foster homes, and her own personal challenges.

Much of her heartache she says came from being placed in a world that tried to force her into a foreign mold. "Native Americans' first concern is to not harm our children's spirit," says Wanda, pointing out that this is different from the traditional form of discipline employed by many Caucasians. "Many of us do not believe in physical punishment, such as spanking or hitting. We consider that abuse, not discipline; we don't discipline in anger. There is no teaching in abusive behaviors, including shaming. And there are no words for swearing in the American Indian language. "A child has the right to voice their feelings. It is not disrespectful or talking back. As parents we have to work hard to listen to our children because although we may not agree, we have to show respect for each other.Our children are people too."

However, Wanda is quick to point out that she doesn't hesitate to set boundaries and limits for her children when situations warrant it. Although Wanda went through local programs for treatment of alcoholism and substance abuse, it wasn't until she lost her own daughters to foster care and found a treatment program that honored the values of Native Americans that she was able to stay sober.

Coincidentally, her children were placed in foster care at the same ages (8 and 10) she and her sister were when they were originally placed in foster homes. In those days, Native American children were automatically placed in white foster homes. Today, the Indian Child Welfare Act dictates that efforts be made to place Indian children with relatives or Indian foster homes before other alternatives are considered.

During the most trying times of her recovery, Wanda drew guidance from prayer and her belief in a higher power - a value taught to her by her own mother. Due to her alcoholism, and abuse she experienced throughout her life, Wanda says her feelings had been shut off for a long time. She also spent much of her time in recovery learning about herself and the effects of alcoholism and abuse.

At the Minnesota Indian Women's Resource Center (MIWRC), Wanda worked hard on resolving what she calls "unresolved issues," including the abandonment she experienced as a child. The holistic approach of the MIWRC helped Wanda deal with some of the root causes of her alcoholism. She also worked with a domestic abuse counselor, where she learned how to steer clear of abusive relationships. "You can't help kids if you haven't worked through your own issues," she says.

"We can't teach our kids what we don't know." Wanda recently celebrated seven years of sobriety and is on the board of the MIWRC. She is committed to teaching Native American youth about the importance of being in touch with who they are as Indian people and honoring their feelings so they have a good sense of self, as well as educating them about their vulnerability to abuse.

"I think our children are set up for revictimization," she says. Wanda attributes this to forced acceptance of values that aren't their own. She tries to teach her children how to keep their lives in balance by remembering Indian teachings and their culture through drum and dance and preparing them to walk in both worlds - Native American and the dominant white society.

Although Wanda experienced pain and sorrow in both her birth family and in the white foster homes where she was placed as a child, she now can look back and see the things of value in each of these situations. One of the positive aspects of being in white foster homes is that Wanda says she was exposed to "good parenting skills," no alcohol and a couple who didn't fight. She also received piano lessons and became a Girl Scout - a path her daughter, Val, followed when she became a first grader last year.

Although she experienced other traumas in those foster homes, Wanda tries to leverage the positive, including a respect for a good education; she is active on the Indian Parent Committee of School District #281 in Robbinsdale and coordinates the drum and dance group there.

Wanda acknowledges the importance of the protective factors identified by the youth researchers, but in thinking about her own experience would add the importance of her Native American heritage as an important influence on her own parenting style.

Teaching balance, respect, the ability to listen, and the depth and importance of the Native American culture - those are the parenting charges she feels most keenly. "We think of our children as sacred gifts," she says. "Being Native American is a way of life, not a religion. It can't be taught over night. Being in balance is so important; I work at being spiritually, physically, emotionally and socially in balance. If all is in balance, I can do a good job of parenting."

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