An Adoptive Mother's Grief

I first met my oldest son when he was 3 and 1/2. Malnourished, bottle-rot front teeth, hair unkempt and unwashed. He'd never had a real haircut, had never had an immunization, (never had) a birthday party or portrait taken. He met me, across the teacher's desk from where he stood, asking for a piece of candy from my candy jar. I was 31, a new mother, and immediately fell in love with this boy who asked me to take him home and be his mom.

A victim of a drug-addicted mother, heroine-addicted grandmother, and abandoned in a homeless shelter at age 3 1/2 with his infant sister. Left to be raised by his maternal aunt who had never been off welfare.

Six months later, he was abandoned again, this time to foster care. He had his first birthday party ever, in our home, as our foster child, at age 5.

Five years later we, my husband and I have mastered terminology such as attachment disorder, suicidal ideology, childhood onset bipolar, attention deficit disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, psychotropic medication, and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome to name a few.

Our son, whom we adopted at age 7, now resides in a treatment facility for emotionally disturbed boys. Our family has experienced grief beyond measure, severance of family ties due to my son's behavior and our subsequent responses. You see, we are also parenting our two birth children, along with my son's younger birth sister. We have been told by our state adoption agency that we have been allotted 18 months of services for my son, at that time, we will need to bring him home; ready or not.

My son and his sister have 7 other KNOWN siblings, all in similar situations. What about their rights? To whom is this birth mother accountable? How is it that the family that tried to help this boy now needs serious help of their own? What about my son?

© 2003