Annoying Habits

This is a selection from the book "Raising Children Who Think For Themselves" by Dr. Eisa Medhus. From the chapter titled "Specific Child Rearing Challenges - How to Handle Them to Encourage Self-Direction", the following introduction is offered.

"The best way to make children good is to make them happy." - Oscar Wilde

Here are some inner-directed suggestions that will help with some of the most trying child-rearing difficulties we may stumble upon. All of these approaches are designed to preserve your children's ability to rely on internal dialogue instead of external influences to assess and correct their behavior. Using this section as a ready reference will help you raise a self-directed child, even if it means carrying the book, tattered and tear-stained, to the market, in the car, or at home. There are some challenges that, I hope you will never have to face, but others will be as inevitable as a pimple on prom night.

To get to self-direction, there are a few universal caveats that apply to the described behavior. First, our children need to understand and agree with both the need for the rule and the consequence for breaking it. Only when they come to agree with our rules, through their own internal dialogue, will they become self-directed. Second, look to your own parenting strategy as the possible source of some of the problem. Are you over-controlling or over-protective? Either trait can elicit an externally directed response, as your children react to an unhealthy situation. Third, remember for all these parenting challenges how important it is for you as parents, to model the right behavior. If you're expecting your children to act one way and you act another, the double standard will throw a monkey wrench into their whole internal dialogue machinery.

And lastly, don't forget to laugh.

Annoying Habits (Nose-Picking, Nail Biting, Etc.)

Why they do it
Almost everyone has annoying little habits, but when our children do, it drives us nuts. So, we nag and nag and nag until the whole ordeal becomes a huge power struggle that keeps the habit alive and kicking (or picking, as the case may be). Some children develop these habits because of stress, some develop them because they have a physical condition like a tic disorder, and some develop them just because.

Logical consequences
If your children engage in a disgusting habit like nose-picking, remove them from the group: "Other people don't like to watch someone eating their boogers, Adam. You'll have to leave the room to spare them the anguish."

Solutions toward self-direction
Never chide or nag your children to get them to stop. Give choices instead: "Debbie, it's okay to pick your nose with a tissue as long as you do it in private."
Use impartial descriptions and information: "Picking your toenails is a nasty habit. We don't allow that in public, much less at the table table."
Use questioning: "Frank, how do you think it makes others feel when they watch you eat your boogers?"
Use minimalist parent techniques: "Harry, nose." Point to your nose and say your child's name: "Janie."
Use humor: "Spring cleaning, Thomas?" "Finding anything interesting?"
Ask your children what motivates them to bite their nails, incessantly clear their throat, and so on. Is it because they're nervous? If so, maybe the source of that nervousness is something you can help them with.