This is a selection from the book Raising Children Who Think For Themselves by Dr. Eisa Medhus. From the chapter titled Specific Child Rearing Challenges - How to Handle Them to Encourage Self-Direction, the following introduction is offered.

"The best way to make children good is to make them happy." - Oscar Wilde

Here are some inner-directed suggestions that will help with some of the most trying child-rearing difficulties we may stumble upon. All of these approaches are designed to preserve your children"s ability to rely on internal dialogue instead of external influences to assess and correct their behavior. Using this section as a ready reference will help you raise a self-directed child, even if it means carrying the book, tattered and tear-stained, to the market, in the car, or at home. There are some challenges that, I hope you will never have to face, but others will be as inevitable as a pimple on prom night.

To get to self-direction, there are a few universal caveats that apply to the described behavior. First, our children need to understand and agree with both the need for the rule and the consequence for breaking it. Only when they come to agree with our rules, through their own internal dialogue, will they become self-directed. Second, look to your own parenting strategy as the possible source of some of the problem. Are you over-controlling or over-protective? Either trait can elicit an externally directed response, as your children react to an unhealthy situation. Third, remember for all these parenting challenges how important it is for you as parents, to model the right behavior. If you're expecting your children to act one way and you act another, the double standard will throw a monkey wrench into their whole internal dialogue machinery.

And lastly, don't forget to laugh.

Bad Grades

Why They Do It
First of all, it's not the grades that are important here. What is worrisome is that it might be an indication that children have lost their enthusiasm for learning and whatever effort this involves. Many things can cause our children to have this problem: depression, procrastination, unappreciated learning styles (a kinesthetic learner being taught purely by auditory instruction), the fear of being branded a nerd, and the fear of failure.

Logical Consequences
Children should never be disciplined for making bad grades unless their poor scholastic performance is caused by bad choices: staying up and talking on the phone instead of doing their homework, going to a party instead of studying, etc. If this is the case, they shouldn't be allowed to engage in any of these distractions until their homework is completed.

Solutions Toward Self-Direction
Give choices: "James, if you finish your math in time, you might have time to go to the movies with Billy."
Give impartial descriptions and information: "I see you"re watching TV instead of working on your book report. I'm wondering what will happen if you don't turn it in on time."
Use minimalist parent techniques: "Bobby...science project!"
Use humor: Attach a sign on their school books: "Lonely and ignored by current owner. Please play with me."
Use questioning: "Tommy, is that term paper due this week?" "What do you need to do to avoid running into problems with this assignment?"
Know what kind of learners (visual, multi-sensory, auditory, kinesthetic, etc.) your children are. Help them "learn how to learn" in their own style and give suggestions to their teacher along these same lines.
Teach your children how to handle defeat early on. Give them small feats that won't be totally devastating for them if they fail. Point out whatever they do well in that accomplishment, no matter how small or trivial it seems.
Let your children know that you love them regardless of the grades they make. Teach them that the knowledge and skills they attain and their continued love of learning are the only things that really matter in the end.