The landmark day you became parents... It's pretty clear that the day of your adoption is not like any other day. It's the day you became a mother, your husband became a father and your parents became grandparents. Your life is forever changed and no other event will ever encompass all you have gone through to get to this day.

There is also someone else who is a very important person; someone with deep feelings of loss and sadness. That special person is your child's birth mother, who has gone through a great ordeal to bring you this day. Without her none of you would have come together. All members of the triad will remember this day vividly and with deep emotion.

Sadly, it is sometimes necessary to point out and remind adoptive parents, or parents waiting that moment, that these children find their adoptive parents after a long and often difficult journey suffered by their birth mothers. We must never forget this very important individual who, by strength of character, or difficulty in circumstances, or both, opted to give the gift of a child to those who could not have one. For this reason alone they deserve respect, recognition, consideration, thoughtfulness and kindness, from those who benefit from their decision.

Letters and pictures, at the very least, are not much to ask and often provide your birth mother with hope and encouragement about the decision she made. When she sees a happy and healthy picture of her birth child, she has confirmation that her decision was the right one. The occasional visit, if agreed upon and handled wisely, can help to balance out the lives of each person involved: the birth mother, the child and the adoptive family, by honoring the wishes of the person who gave them so very much.

Should you doubt these truths, seek out some stories on open adoption, speak to someone who is a birthparent, or ask your adoption professional for some references to reinforce your decision to choose open adoption. Then, honor your birth mother's wishes, always.

You are your child's parents, no doubt. But a birth mother never forgets the birth of their child. Even if this child is out of their sight he/she will never be truly be gone from her memory. They were your child's first mother and because of this, this child will always remain in their memories and in their hearts.

Please, take the time to send pictures regularly or when requested. Whatever your agreement is with the birth mother, commit to it and follow through as promised. If you need any incentive, simply look into your child's eyes and "Remember where this starts!"

Mardie Caldwell, COAP, is the Founder of Lifetime Adoption Facilitation Center, www.LifetimeAdoption.com, Radio Talk Show Host - Lets Talk Adoption, Author of AdoptingOnline.com -Your Internet Adoption Resource Guide, and numerous articles on adoption, parenting and financing. Mardie is an adoptive mother, married with 4 children.

PLEASE NOTE: The information on these pages is protected by U.S. Copyright law and may not be reproduced or distributed in any way without the express written permission of the author. For permission to reprint please contact us at usaadopt@yahoo.com

© 2003
PLEASE NOTE: The information on these pages is protected by U.S. Copyright law and may not be reproduced or distributed in any way without the express written permission of the author. For permission to reprint please contact us at usaadopt@yahoo.co