The following is a selection from the book Raising Children Who Think For Themselves by Dr. Eisa Medhus. From the chapter titled "Specific Child Rearing Challenges - How to Handle Them to Encourage Self-Direction", the following introduction is offered.

"The best way to make children good is to make them happy." - Oscar Wilde

Here are some inner-directed suggestions that will help with some of the most trying child-rearing difficulties we may stumble upon. All of these approaches are designed to preserve your children's ability to rely on internal dialogue instead of external influences to assess and correct their behavior. Using this section as a ready reference will help you raise a self-directed child, even if it means carrying the book, tattered and tear-stained, to the market, in the car, or at home. There are some challenges that, I hope you will never have to face, but others will be as inevitable as a pimple on prom night.

To get to self-direction, there are a few universal caveats for every one of the situations that follow. First, our children need to understand and agree with both the need for the furl and the consequence for breaking it. Only when they come to agree with our rules, through their own internal dialogue, will they become self-directed. Second, look to your own parenting strategy as the possible source of some of the problem. Are you over-controlling or over-protective? Either trait can elicit an externally directed response, as your children react to an unhealthy situation. Third, remember for all these parenting challenges how important it is for you as parents, to model the right behavior. If you're expecting your children to act one way and you act another, the double standard will throw a monkey wrench into their whole internal dialogue machinery.

And lastly, don't forget to laugh.

Why they do it

Children get busy and forget. Some just don't think about the effect they have on others. Some don't care. Some lose or break whatever they borrowed and hope that if enough time goes by, the object will be forgotten.

Logical consequences

If your children break or lose an item they borrowed, help them find ways to make amends, like earning money to pay for a new one or coughing up whatever it takes to repair the damages.

If your children forget to return something they borrowed, they certainly shouldn't be allowed to borrow that item again for awhile. Maybe they could make amends by letting the loaner borrow whatever he or she wishes in return. They could even be required to pay a small interest fee in either money or deeds.

Solutions toward self-direction

Have clear family rules and boundaries on this subject. First, there should be no "borrowing" without asking. Second, while objects are under their care, the borrower is responsible for whatever happens to the items borrowed, regardless of any "extenuating circumstances" (translation: lame excuses). Third, a mutual agreement should be made on when the borrowed item should be returned.

Use questioning: "What are our rules for borrowing?" "What do you need to do to make things all right between you and your sister?" "How does it make you feel when someone borrows your stuff without your permission?"

Use impartial descriptions and information: "I see you borrowed Tommy's bike without his knowledge. I bet he'd be pretty upset if he found out."

Never get involved with borrowing incidents involving your children and their friends or siblings. Let them find ways to work out any conflicts on their own. If they never get their item back, they learn not to lend anything to that person in the future and the other person learns that to be trusted, you have to be trustworthy.