Taken From: Growing Concerns- A childrearing question-and-answer column with Dr. Martha Erickson

Question: I have a 3-week-old baby boy whom I tried to breastfeed. But despite lots of effort and all kinds of outside help, it just didn't work. I've read that breastfeeding is very important to the development of mother-child attachment, which worries me. Is there anything I can do to make sure our attachment is good even though I have to bottle feed him?

Answer: Although breastfeeding has many benefits, it is not essential for the development of a good, secure attachment between parents and their baby. (Consider, for example, that many babies have great attachments with their fathers, even though breastfeeding isn't an option.) The important thing is that your baby learns you are there to comfort him when he's distressed, to respond warmly and sensitively to his needs, and to delight in his smiles, babbles, first words and first steps. Through those simple day-to-day interactions, your son will learn he can count on you to be his safe haven and his secure base from which he can go out and explore the world.

In simple terms, here are things both you and the father of your baby can do in these early months to make sure your son has that solid foundation of a secure attachment to both mom and dad:

* During feeding, hold him closely as you would if breastfeeding. Create a calm, cozy, quiet atmosphere and follow his lead when he wants to start or stop feeding.

* When your baby fusses or cries, try to figure out what he is telling you. Does he need to be held? Fed? Talked to? Does he need you to change his diaper? Or does he just need to know you're nearby while he settles himself?

* When playing with your baby, follow his lead. Provide a clean, safe environment in which he can explore freely. Offer toys, but don't overdirect his play. (For example, if he wants to bang the stacking rings together instead of stacking them the "right way," cheer him on.) Most of all, remember that you are his most important plaything. Sing songs, dance, read stories, get down on the floor and play games that make him smile and laugh. This is the stuff attachment is made of.

The Children, Youth and Family Consortium invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. E-mail to mferick@tc.umn.edu or write to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 3 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.

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