Parents feel compassion for all those starving children out there. We are moved by the appearance of 'crack babies.' Tears flow when we hear stories of abuse and neglect whether it is people or animals. We have compassion for the world, but almost none for our teens.

Yes, I hear you; you are wondering why they deserve compassion. They choose the drugs, sex, bad music, and worse clothes. Teens, themselves, decide to pierce navels and nipples, tattoo tushes, and shave heads and 'grow out' armpits. They sometimes have filthy habits, rooms, and mouths. Often, they are noisy, troublesome, rude, obnoxious, uncontrollable, and delinquent. Ya gotta love 'em!

Sometimes, teens are all of the above, but they still deserve our compassion. They are responsible for their actions, but not always for the thinking that produced those actions. Teens, being in their teen years, are victims of convoluted thinking. They are unsure of what is happening to them. They are experiencing changes in their bodies. Suddenly, emotions they feel overcome them without warning or reason. Everyone's expectations of them are changing. Once, they were just loved without any expectations. Most sentences addressed to them start with, "You are growing up now, so", "You are almost an adult so we expect", "Soon, you will be out on your own so it is time..."

Even their parent's attitudes have changed toward them. They catch a look of disgust on their parent's faces when confronted with the teen's new habits. Parents express disappointment at their choices, lack of trust in their plans, and disbelief in their words. This all adds to the uncertainty they feel and their low self-esteem.

The expectations for teens are numerous and sometimes unreal. They must 'ace their classes' and hand in homework on time. They must engage in extra-curricular activities to be well rounded. They must keep their faith and attend church and related activities. To learn responsibility and help out with all that extra money they spend, they must hold down a job. Their 'best friends' expect them to hang out with them all the time; their parents complain they should be with their family. Peers want them to be clones of themselves, others want them to model their lives after those they barely heard of and are only names in history.

The pressures are increased by stimuli everywhere that are trying to seduce our kids. You cannot go anywhere without seeing somebody using sex to sell something. The streets are trying to claim our youth, whether it is gangs or cults. The media has done an excellent job of glamorizing drugs, sex, and crime. Technology and the Internet have whetted our appetites for more than we can afford or handle. The kids have no heroes, no hopes, and no aspirations. The world has somehow quenched all their thirst for knowledge and instead satiated all those desires we all fight against.

Pressure comes from peers who themselves are trying to survive all this. If they befriend good kids or bad, the temptations are the same. The only difference is that good friends can help each other resist and offer alternative activities to forbidden ones. If they can find good friends and still have a life, most kids will choose the right road.

Try hard now, I know you can do it, remember what it's like to be young: Every nerve on end, every emotion overwhelming, every decision earth shattering. Do you remember? Can you recall a time when you were almost suicidal because you had a zit and a big date the same day? Do you recall the anguish when you discovered one breast was bigger than the other was? You guys, remember those furtive looks in the locker room to compare "your equipment?" When you came up 'short' (no pun intended), you were devastated. Sure, it's laughable now, but was it then?

A teen's perception of reality is anything but real. They act on what they perceive to be true. Motives are not always good, or sensible, but they are theirs. What they believe is true will affect their actions. If they believe there is no pleasing you, they won't. If they think their world is ending, they will act reckless. A bad perception precedes a bad action.

This confusion, which I believe every teen experiences at least part of the time, deserves our consideration. To go through daily life in this "teenage stage" deserves our compassion. Parents, don't let kids off the hook if they have done wrong, they still need to be disciplined, but do remember with compassion, the difficulty of this age.

Credits: Jo Ann Wentzel