Taken from Growing Concerns -- A childrearing question-and-answer column with Martha Erickson

Question: Our daughter, who just turned 3, has started making a fuss every time she is strapped into her car seat. Her grandpa lets her ride in the front with a seat belt when she goes out with him, so now she says she's too big for a car seat. I'm not comfortable letting her ride in front in our car, but I can't stand her fussing. Should I talk to her grandpa about this? And how can I get her to be more cooperative in the car?

Answer: First of all, you're absolutely right that a 3-year-old needs to ride in a car seat at all times. As a Minnesota resident you are subject to state law mandating that all children under 4 must be in a federally approved safety seat, installed and used according to the manufacturer's directions. (All 50 states have some type of child safety seat law, but details vary by state.) According to the Minnesota Safety Council and the National SafeKids Campaign, infants up to 20 pounds should be in a rear-facing seat; children up to about 40 pounds should be in a forward-facing convertible seat; and, up to 60-70 pounds (about 8 years of age), children should be in an approved booster seat that allows the car's lap and shoulder straps to restrain the child safely. Children are not safe in the front seat until they are about 12 years of age, especially if there is a passenger-side airbag. (For further information call the U.S. Department of Transportation's Auto Safety Hotline, 1-800-424-9393.)

With that information in mind, here's what I'd suggest you do to ensure your child's safety and help her settle into riding safely and calmly in your car and her grandpa's:

· Begin by talking with her grandpa, assuring him you know how much he loves her and that you need his cooperation in keeping your child safe. Share with him the information above about requirements and guidelines for child safety in the car.

· Together with her grandpa, explain to your daughter it's your job to keep her safe and you both will make sure she's in a proper seat in the back of the car every time she goes out. Do not waver, no matter how much she fusses. (A united front between you and grandpa is important so she doesn't play you against each other.)

· Reinforce this rule by engaging your daughter in role-playing with a favorite doll or teddy bear. For example, when you all get in the car have her make sure teddy is strapped in safely -- just like your daughter.

· When there are two adults in the car, have one sit in the back with your daughter to chat with her, read stories or engage her in car games such as counting all the red cars or blue houses she can spot.

· Especially at those times when your daughter must be alone in the back seat, help make the ride more enjoyable by providing a snack, letting her listen to favorite tapes, or letting her pull small toys or treats from a grab-bag of surprises you brought from home.

· Because children love to be reminded of how much they're growing, put a growth chart on the wall of your daughter's room and every few weeks mark her height and weight. Put a special mark by the weight at which she will be ready to move from her car seat into a booster seat, and then celebrate her "graduation" when she reaches that milestone.

Editor's Note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. E-mail to mferick@tc.umn.edu or write to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.