Children Acting Out Gender Roles
Question: My four-year-old daughter always seems to want to dress up and play bride or princess, acting out stories of finding happiness in the arms of a handsome prince. Her goal in life seems to be becoming a bride! These are images she watches over and over in some of her favorite movies and TV shows. I am concerned about the media's lack of strong, positive role models for her to imitate, and I wonder what I can do about that.
Answer: Preschool children are in the process of finding their gender identity, trying to understand what distinguishes boys from girls. They often go to extremes in trying on gender roles at this age. How many little boys play at being firefighters or police or cowboys, even in the '90s? And how many little girls focus their pretending on traditional female roles? It's important for you to realize that, to a large extent, this is a stage children go through. As your daughter gets older, she can broaden her horizons and begin to try on new roles with your help. She can learn that a girl can become a happy bride ... and many other things as well. There are several steps you can take now to guide her on that path.
Be sure that she has a variety of books and movies available to balance some of the limiting models that concern you. A librarian can help you find books that feature strong, competent girls and women. Also, point out to your daughter news stories about women doing exciting and important things--saving lives, flying planes, teaching young children, creating beautiful works of art.
When you play with your daughter, try to draw her into experimenting with different roles in imaginative play. For example, you might want to balance her princess and bride dress-up clothes with a firefighter's hat or a white coat for a doctor. Then put on a hat yourself and join her in make-believe adventures!
Try to make sure that she sees real role models of women who are strong and capable, as well as tender and loving.
Write the TV stations and film companies to encourage them to present more positive images of women. In particular, let the production companies and the sponsors know when you see something you really like.
Finally, as your daughter gets older and more able to discuss what she sees in films and TV, talk with her about what is good and not so good about some of the images and ideas you see. Fairy tales and their modern-day spinoffs can be a delightful part of a child's experience, especially when seen in the context of the many wonderful options that are open to both boys and girls today.
Editor's note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. You may fax them to (612) 624-6369 or send them to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.
