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The idea that everyone should do his or her share is a basic value for most of us. There are reasons why even preschoolers should be encouraged to pull an appropriate amount of their weight. Participating in the family chores can strengthen a sense of belonging and contributing to the common good. It also lays the foundation for the development of a sense of responsibility to others and minimizes the chances of taking others' efforts and contributions to one's welfare for granted.

Some of the following points may be helpful as you think about getting your preschooler started on the road to being a contributing member of the household.

The Real Thing
The chores assigned to your preschooler should be genuine ones that have values and are fairly obvious to them. Simple tasks like setting or clearing the dinner table or washing a pet's food dishes are easily understandable to a youngster and the consequences of not doing them are vivid enough to give most of these duties a sense of urgency. Tasks that are phony or cooked up just to keep little hands busy may lead to the child's feeling that he's being treated less than seriously and result in a backlash against participation.

Give Her a Job She Can Do
It is important to try to keep the tasks well adapted to a child's current ability to carry them out reasonably successfully. If your child is not very well coordinated at this particular point, watering the indoor plants may be too problematic and undermine the positive values of accepting this job. If a child is to help with the vacuuming, try to find a room or portion of the rug that has little furniture to navigate, and be prepared to accept a less than perfect performance.

Many parents start by expecting their preschoolers to take responsibility for tidying her own playthings or her own room. While this approach seems logical, it may be expecting greater independence than she is ready for. Doing a chore out of sight and reach of others may be just a bit too difficult in the early stages of learning to be a contributing member of the family. It is probably wiser to begin with tasks that are done in clear view of an encouraging and admiring adult, such as setting the breakfast table or putting the clean silverware away.

After the Thrill Is Gone
Very often young children think chores are fun at first. But as the novelty wears off, it is important to hold them to their obligations. Adults can be sympathetic about the drudgery of it all and can indicate that we all have to do many things that are unpleasant, and that's just how it goes. But keep in mind that sticking to an assignment and seeing it through, even though it is unpleasant, contributes to our self-esteem and to a generally desired view of ourselves as responsible people.

Most parents experience the temptation to say, "It is easier to do it myself!" and let the child opt out of her responsibilities. While in a real sense the statement is probably true, it is not in the best interests of a child's development. It is a good idea to help the child follow through with her responsibility and to make sure she completes expected chores. Even though it is not readily apparent, it is probably the case that youngsters don't really like getting away with neglecting their responsibilities or with fudging. Nevertheless, at first, they may need a lot of help, patience, and support as they build the habit of meeting their obligations.

A Job Well Done Is the Best Reward
Some parents try to get children to clean up their own messiness by offering a reward or bribe. A bribe teaches children that the desired behavior, e.g., cleaning up or fixing a pet's dinner, has no intrinsic value. Chores do have intrinsic worth-they are routine tasks that have to be done for smooth functioning of the household. They are tasks that simply lack intrinsic pleasure!

© 1987Parents Magazine

Credits: Lilian G. Katz