1. FINANCIAL FEARS is this going to be affordable?

2. DECISION MAKING FEARS about adoption routing. How to we spend our money wisely and choose the right professionals for us? What about
using the internet? Advertising? Mass mailings?

3. LOSS OF CONTROL FEARS:

a. Fear a child will not become available to you.
b. Fear of openness/open adoption
c. Fear the biological parents will change their
minds and take the child back.
d. Fear the process will take too long.
e. Fear you will be too old to parent or be
chosen.
f. Fear of pressure to take "any" child.

4. DEFECTIVE CHILD FEARS:

a. Fear the birth mother will not take good care
of herself during pregnancy using drugs, alcohol,
or poor nutrition... also smoking.
b. Fear about the genetic background as being
inferior to your own.
c. Fear the child could be emotionally disturbed.

5. BONDING ATTACHMENT FEARS:

a. Fear you won't bond to the child
b. Fear you'll have doubts this is "as good as"
c. Fear you will later conceive- and should have
waited.
d. Fear your adoptive child may later choose
birth parents over you.
e. Fear the biological parents may seek contact
and disrupt your bond with the child.
f. Fear you won't love this child as much as one
produced biologically.

6. FAMILY/FRIENDS FEARS:

a. Fear your family won't accept an adopted
child, especially if racially different.
b. Fear you will be stigmatized and others will
doubt your "real" attachment and parent role.

Fears stem from the pain of LOSS or possible LOSS.
Steps to healing and repairing: It is important not to be "victimized" by losses in life. Life always has "speed bumps" and "detours." Action steps include:

Grieving, Grieving, Grieving
Knowledge, knowledge, knowledge is power
Preparation, Preparation, Preparation
Support Groups, Therapy when needed, Rituals

Credits: Ellen Roseman