Considerations for Naming Your Trans-Racially or Inter-Culturally Adopted Child

Naming your adopted child is one of the first acts of claiming her as your own and will influence her identity throughout life. Your child's name prior to joining your family may be the only thing that truly belongs to her from that time before you. It constitutes ties with her culture, with birthparents or important caregivers. Consider carefully before deciding you have the right to take this away from her. Most adoptive parents find ways to honor and preserve this rightful tie to birth heritage.

Parents who adopt trans-racially or across cultures have important things to consider. Their first desire may be to claim this child as part of their clan by bestowing a 'family name', perhaps from a grandparent or someone of importance. An unusual family name can work well if used as a middle name and you may give your child more than one middle name. This writer knows of one child who was given three middle names that tied her to both sides of her adoptive family and her birth name and country. In many cultures, it is common for children to take a different name as they grow or circumstances change. More than one middle name can be a valuable support to a child who is struggling to find her identity as she grows.

While adoptive parents are developmentally at the age where they may embrace being 'different' in their daily lives, children will take many years to arrive at this point. The choice of a name can become a daily burden to a child who is struggling with racial, ethnic or adoption identity issues. If you decide to give your infant an American first name, consider giving her a name that you like but that is also popular or commonly accepted in society. It is common for immigrants to do this so that their children will more easily fit into peer groups. Older children must be a part of this process.

Some cultures give names that in American culture would be considered unkind or disrespectful, such as "thrown away, ugly, or not wanted". Because your child will be raised in your culture, this is the one time when it is recommended to select a different name from her birth culture that contradicts the meaning of her first name. Pick a name that means something like "most beloved, precious above all, or she has come at last".

Having an unusual or hard to pronounce birth name can also make a child or adolescent feel different. Some adoptive families Americanize their child's name. Often toddlers as well as older children do not respond well to a name change but gladly accept a similar sounding substitute of, for example, Gigi or Gena for Jee. Many parents think they will give their child an American name but then come to love their child's birth name because they love their child, she responds to it and it does not feel right to change it.

Below are some things to think about as you consider naming your child.

1. The name you give your child can exacerbate their sense of difference from their peers. Most Asian, African American and adoptees of other backgrounds will daily face the fact that there is no way to visually fit in with their peers or family.

2. Your child's name can affect your child's ability to be accepted and claimed by people of her own race or cultural background both as a child and as an adult. Your adorable baby will grow up and must face the reality of being a teenager and adult of another race or culture.

3. Most parents want to support their child's transition into adulthood and would not want a name choice to be the symbol that distanced them from their child at such a critical stage in life. As teenagers, it is normal for many adoptees to face serious challenges with identity. This is not a reflection on quality of parenting or how sensitive you as parents have been to adoption or trans-racial issues. It is a core issue of life for many adopted children. Many teenagers and young adults who are struggling to establish their identity in the adult world become furious with their parents for throwing away or rejecting their birth names. Reclaiming their birth name as a teen or young adult is an awkward and challenging process.

It is not possible to eliminate problems with identity and race for your child but you can ease the path somewhat by your choice of name and how it will impact your child throughout life.

Printed with permission by Nichoe Lichen, LISW an adoption Social Worker who has thirty years experience in the field of adoption and trans-racial and identity issues. She lives and works in Santa Fe, New Mexico and is part of an inter-racial family formed through adoption.

Credits: Nichoe Lichen