Creating Routines that Build Self-Confidence
Trust: The task of this stage is to develop a mutual relationship of trust with your child that will eventually influence the child's ability to trust throughout his or her life. This trust-building is viewed by many as the most critical task, because all future tasks are based on its successful completion. Trust is built by responding to your child's needs consistently, because you are the child's only means for survival. Infants do not view themselves as separate beings but as extensions of you. Or more appropriately, you are an extension of them.
Autonomy: The task of this stage is to develop a sense of separateness and mobility and an understanding of time and distance. Your child has now gained an understanding of being separate from you, and of maintaining that separateness for periods of time with the trust that you will be there when he returns. The responsiveness of your 2-year-old in many ways is based on your responsiveness to her during infancy.
Competence: The task of this stage is to be "good" at something. Now that he has ventured out into his environment, it is extremely important to your child to master some area of that environment. Children will be interested in joining everything from ballet to judo, team sports, chorus, and lessons of all kinds. They are looking for the "thing" that validates who they are outside the family. They are watching peers become successful and gain approval from others (adults) because of their success. School is one such performance-based environment; performance is directly tied to approval. Competence, in turn, is directly tied to self-esteem.
Identity: The task of this stage is self-determination. Now that your teen has built trust in you, herself, and her environment and mastered her environment by demonstrations of her competence, she begins to wonder why she needs your approval in order to validate her competence. After all, she did all the work, right? Your teen is now insisting on her own identity on her own terms. Teens' peers seem to have a greater influence in their lives, and parents may feel "left out." The essential task here is to continue to help the teen build self-image, self-esteem, and self-concept, keeping in mind that adolescents are generally self-absorbed.
The Child's Point of View
Mosely stated that along with an understanding of the critical tasks of each stage, it is important that parents also understand the child's point of view during these stages. As an infant, the child sees herself as the entire universe. During early childhood, the child views herself as the center of the universe. That is, she recognizes herself as separate from others but still thinks as if she were the center. During later childhood, she thinks that her universe overlaps the universe of others; during this stage, the child calls on others when she feels she needs them. Finally, as a teenager, the child sees herself not only at the center of the universe, but thinks to herself that she is all that counts in the universe.
When Should Routines Begin?
Mr. Mosley suggested that routines help build a sense of responsibility in children and that it is best to begin routines for children when they are young. For example, as children begin to follow their parents around the house, parents can ask them to help carry something, water a plant, or empty a wastebasket. Children gain a sense of autonomy when they can act on their own initiative to do helpful tasks. As young children become more competent, they become increasingly capable of completing the responsibility or chore on their own.
As children grow, it is the responsibility of the parents to increase the level of difficulty of children's routinely assigned chores. This process helps the child to feel increasingly competent. Routines can help foster good behavior, adequate performance, and a sense of identity.
The Key Is Consistency
The key is for the parents to be consistent in their expectations, which then sets the stage for adolescence. As the young child grows into adolescence, the parents can increase the level of responsibility expected. Parents are likely to feel more certain that the child is capable, and the focus of their interactions changes from responsibility to accountability. As parents create a higher level of expectation in an established routine, they are able to remind their child of how far he has come. This process helps to externally validate the growing child's sense of competence.
For more information
National Child Care Information Center
Internet: http://nccic.org/
Child Care Resource Center
Internet: http://www.aces.uiuc.edu/~CCRSCare/
