The following is a selection from the book Raising Children Who Think For Themselves by Dr. Eisa Medhus. From the chapter titled "Specific Child Rearing Challenges - How to Handle Them to Encourage Self-Direction", the following introduction is offered.

"The best way to make children good is to make them happy." - Oscar Wilde

Here are some inner-directed suggestions that will help with some of the most trying child-rearing difficulties we may stumble upon. All of these approaches are designed to preserve your children's ability to rely on internal dialogue instead of external influences to assess and correct their behavior. Using this section as a ready reference will help you raise a self-directed child, even if it means carrying the book, tattered and tear-stained, to the market, in the car, or at home. There are some challenges that, I hope you will never have to face, but others will be as inevitable as a pimple on prom night.

To get to self-direction, there are a few universal caveats for every one of the situations that follow. First, our children need to understand and agree with both the need for the furl and the consequence for breaking it. Only when they come to agree with our rules, through their own internal dialogue, will they become self-directed. Second, look to your own parenting strategy as the possible source of some of the problem. Are you over-controlling or over-protective? Either trait can elicit an externally directed response, as your children react to an unhealthy situation. Third, remember for all these parenting challenges how important it is for you as parents, to model the right behavior. If you're expecting your children to act one way and you act another, the double standard will throw a monkey wrench into their whole internal dialogue machinery.

And lastly, don't forget to laugh.

Why they do it

Some children use profanity because they've heard it from others or because they want to appear tough and grown up. Some use it to express anger or to enlist our help.

Logical consequences

If your children swear, ask them to leave the room and return only when they can use words that are acceptable. If your children are young and don't understand the meaning behind the words, tell them, "We don't use those kinds of words in our family."

Your children should be required to make amends with whoever was subjected to their foul mouth.

Solutions toward self-direction

When your children utter curse words, never show surprise. That might be just the external reaction they're looking for. If you slip up and curse, apologize to them.

Offer choices: "When you can use appropriate language, then you can go back outside and play with your friends."

Use impartial descriptions and give information: "I notice you're cursing more since you've made friends with Richard." "Cursing is a disrespectful way of treating others."

Acknowledge your children's feelings if anger or frustration motivates them to curse: "I know how angry you must be that your team lost the game, but I'd like you to express your feelings without using foul language." Help your children come up with alternative words. Role-play this whenever they're in a situation that incited them to curse.

Ask your children if they understand the meaning behind the foul language. Discuss how specific words can affect others, especially words with sexual or racial overtones. They need this information to formulate the most effective internal dialogue in making decisions regarding their language.