Daycare to Kindergarten
Question:
My six-year-old son has had an extremely difficult transition this year, moving from daycare to kindergarten. He doesn't listen and can't keep his hands to himself. Earlier in the year we had limited success modifying his behavior by taking away privileges (e.g. computer, television, story time, special family outings). He no longer seems to care about those consequences and is back to the destructive behavior. He hits, pushes or bites whenever he doesn't get his way. His teachers remove him from the situation and make him sit out but this doesn't seem to matter to him either. He says he knows he needs to respect others but his actions don't follow his words. I'm afraid he will end up without any friends at school or--worse--that he will really hurt someone.
Answer:
Such aggressive behavior over such a long period of time warrants special attention. Since it's late in the school year and your son's behavior still hasn't settled down, I think it is time to seek professional help. I urge you to talk with his teacher about requesting that a school psychologist do a thorough assessment of your son, including a series of classroom observations to look at what happens before and after your son's misbehavior--and also the circumstances under which your son behaves well. A school psychologist also can administer tests to help determine if your son has a learning disability or attention problem that underlies his behavior--or the psychologist may recommend an evaluation by an outside expert. Assuming that your son's behavior was more acceptable when he was in childcare, it may be that the new task demands of school are difficult and frustrating, leading him to feel angry, overwhelmed and rebellious.
As parents, you are the experts on your child; the information you provide to the teacher and psychologist will help them figure out what's behind your son's behavior and what will help him succeed. Here are some questions to think about before you meet with the teacher and psychologist:
*When did you first notice your son's aggressive, uncooperative behavior?
*In what situations does he behave this way? In what situations does he behave more appropriately?
*Does he have friends outside of the classroom? When he's not in school, is he able to play well one-on-one? In a group?
*Have there been any major changes at home recently or around the time you first noticed your son's behavior? For example, was there a new baby, a move, a job change or an increase in the level of conflict in your marriage?
*What strategies have you tried to help him learn more positive social behavior? Have you worked with teachers to use a consistent approach? If so, for how long, and what was the result? (Think, for example, about such strategies as praise, charting positive behavior, reducing stimulation, allowing extra time for difficult tasks or transitions, and consistent consequences for misbehavior.)
Whatever is discovered through a careful assessment of your son, it will be important for you and his teachers to work together to help him build areas of competence (sports, the arts, science ...) and learn to connect positively with peers and adults. If school is a primary source of stress for him, it will be especially important to seek opportunities outside of school for him to build healthy friendships through fun, non-stressful activities. And within the classroom, teachers will need to work not only on bringing out your son's positive behavior, but also helping other children see his positive qualities.
Editor's Note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. E-mail to mferick@tc.umn.edu or write to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.
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