"Oh no, they're at it again." With a sigh, Mary Ann gives up on the hope of a Saturday morning sleep-in, gets out of bed and makes her way to the television room to deal with her squabbling children. As she walks down the hall, the voices of 11 year-old Simon and eight-year-old Peter are growing increasingly angry and Mary Ann knows that, unless she quickly intervenes, the argument will become physical.

Most parents are familiar with Mary Ann's problem. Sibling rivalry is hardly a unique phenomenon. Since Cain and Abel, brothers and sisters have been getting mad at each other.

The characteristics of individual rivalries will vary in specifics and intensity. Yet the vast majority of rivalries share a common root. It is the desire of all children to have the exclusive love of their parents. However unrealistic, the need is instinctual and deep. Little wonder then that a child can view a sibling as a direct threat to his or her well being.

One of the most effective means of diffusing rivalry is to let each child in the family know that he or she is loved for his special ness. So, for instance, when five-year-old Bessie asks her mother which child she loves best, her or her older sister, Bessie's wise mother answers that she loves each child in a unique way. "I especially love your smile and your tender heart," she tells her beaming daughter.

Another proven method of cooling sibling combat is to allow children to express their feelings and take an active role in settling disputes.

It's a tool Mary Ann knows works well. After ascertaining that her sons are arguing over which cartoon program to watch, she turns off the television. She then tells the miscreants that they need to work out a solution to their problem. She then leaves the room.

Mere minutes later, Simon joins his parent in the kitchen and announces that his little brother is watching a favorite show now. In half-an-hour, it will be Simon's turn. The news earns the boy a sleepy grin from his mum.

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