Dependant on a "Blankie"

GROWING CONCERNS - February 15, 1998
A parenting question-and-answer column with Dr. Martha Erickson of the University of Minnesota

Question: Our 14-month-old son drags his baby blanket everywhere. He won't go to sleep without it and cries if he can't take it to the baby sitter's. We worry about him being too dependent or babyish, but we're not sure how to get him to give up the "blankie." Do you have any ideas?

Answer: At 14 months of age, your son is doing what many children do to comfort themselves as they venture farther away from mom and dad. It's common for children to adopt what psychologists call a "transitional object," usually a soft, cuddly blanket or stuffed animal--probably a warm reminder of how it feels to be snuggled up in a parent's loving arms. Attachments to favorite objects most often develop around the end of the first year, when the child is still focused strongly on his or her attachment to parents, but also is developing the motor skills to go off and explore the world. Especially in our modern Western society, where babies sleep alone in their own rooms and are sent off to child care while parents work, it must feel great to a baby to take along a little something as a reminder of home.

Your son's attachment to his special "blankie" certainly will do no harm; there is no evidence that children who have such attachments are more dependent or immature than other children. In fact, I'd urge you to think of the "blankie" as an asset to both you and your child. The comfort it provides for him can help you feel more relaxed when you need to be away.

Beware, though, if the "blankie" gets lost! As you may already have discovered, sometimes even getting the "blankie" into the washing machine can be traumatic. Knowing how fierce those attachments can be, many parents get a duplicate to have on hand for emergencies or to substitute for the original on laundry days. (I still remember the uproar more than 40 years ago when my younger brother reluctantly accepted a yellow blanket after his cherished blue one was destroyed.)

Even as your son gets older, there's no reason to push him to give up the comfort his special blanket provides. As he develops new skills and becomes more focused on playmates and activities, the "blankie" gradually will become less important to him. He may use it less and less as time goes by, maybe just at bedtime or when he's sick, eventually forgetting about it altogether. But I'd bet that you won't forget it. You may wrap it in tissue and save it to show to your grandchildren--or, as some friends of mine did, mount the shredded remnants of it in a picture frame--as a reminder of these precious early years in your little boy's life.

Editor's note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. You may fax them to (612) 624-6369 or send them to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.