She crawled into bed with me last night, because she was having a bad dream. She curled up next to me, put her head on my chest, told me that she loved me, smiled, and went to sleep. I nearly cried with contentment

When she brought home her third honor roll report card, I did a little song and dance for her. She grinned from ear to ear.

At the end of the school year, when she brought home a certificate for being "the most athletic girl in class," I was prouder than you can imagine!

My seven-year old daughter Hannah and I are crazy about each other! We laugh, read books, roller blade, play games, go on trips, visit museums, and fix meals together. Some days we look at each other in amazement that I'm her mom and she's my daughter!

Occasionally, the question is asked directly, and sometimes it's unasked, but hinted at.... Do I love my daughter as much as if she were "really" mine...?

You see...my daughter was adopted.

My answer is, "First off, she really is mine, and yes, I love her at least as much as you love your child, maybe even a tad more!" In addition to our love for each other, we have a sense of awe that we found each other!

I call her my miracle child. To think that she is so articulate, athletic, intuitive, bright, and funny, in spite of the difficult first six years of her life. She had three years with what I will politely call a "dysfunctional birth family." Then three years in a Russian orphanage that did not have many resources-maybe enough food, but very little extra in the way of learning experiences, educational activities, attention, or hugs.

Just like biological parents, I spent significant time praying, reading, and researching the prospect of becoming a parent. Just like a biological parent, I was both excited and very nervous at that first moment I realized I had become a parent.

Now that my daughter is in my life, I agonize over where we should live, the direction of my career, how to instill solid values in Hannah, and how to afford college. I'm no different from other parents.

All parents, whether biological or adoptive, face wonderful adventures and challenging issues. If our child is a gifted athlete, we find the right after-school programs for her. If our child is exceptional at math, we encourage that ability. If our child loves to act, we seek out summer drama camps.

On the other hand, if w have a child who is prone to accidents, we memorize our child's tetanus shot dates and learn to overcome our queasiness at the sight of blood. If she has a hearing loss, we become knowledge about the special aids required. If she is ADDH, we learn about the pros and cons of medication, and all the related learning and behavioral issues.

I've been blessed with a smart, coordinated, funny, and interesting daughter. At the same time, as the parent of an eastern European post-institutionalized child, I've had to stretch and grow. I've learned to speak basic Russian. I've had to articulate "how" a family interacts to a child who didn't know. I've had to understand the emotional challenges and grief that face a child who was adopted. I now understand control and defiance issues relating to poor caregiving in the first few years of life.

While some of my challenges and learning experiences have been different from biological parents, the emotions and intensity with which I've attacked these is the same. I've read, connected to other adoptive parents over the Internet, and joined support groups. Just like biological parents, I've searched to find quality information in order to raise my child to the best of my ability.

If you still wonder if I love my daughter as much as you love yours...listen in on our prayers at night when we thank God for helping us to find each other. Or take note when Hannah says, "Mama, I love you more than you love me," and how I argue that can't be true! Or watch us when we walk through the parking lot at the grocery store and Hannah reaches up and puts her arm around my waist, and I put my arm around her shoulders, and we both smile. Or observe when I get home from a business trip how she shouts with delight and leaps into my arms...and a tear slips out from the corner of my eye. These will give you a chance to hear and see that I love my daughter at least as much as you love yours!

[Susan M. Ward, director of Heritage Communications in Arden, North Carolina, is the proud and happy mama of Hannah, age eight. She is a writer and consultant, and an advocate for adopting older children. You can see Susan and Hannah at www.HannahAndHerMama.com.]

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