Experienced Parents Mentor and Retain New Families

Experienced adoptive parents in Nevada and Missouri take pride in their skills and give back to the community through two mentoring programs operated by The Adoption Exchange. Both programs are designed to retain pre-adoptive families. In Nevada, six experienced parents have been hired as part-time staff to mentor several families; in Missouri, each mentor volunteers to work with one pre-adoptive family.

The role of mentors is to empower families, listen to their successes and struggles, provide resources, and offer non-judgmental support. Since their connection begins early in the process, mentors build a trusting relationship with prospective adoptive parents-helping them navigate the agency and court system as well as providing parenting hints and local resources.

Nevada Buddies

In Nevada, a diverse group of mentors-called buddies-were deliberately recruited by project coordinator Susan Summers. After posting job openings in local papers-including press for communities of color-as well as sending a letter to all Nevada families who receive adoption subsidies, Summers hired six buddies. One can communicate in American Sign Language, another has worked extensively in the HIV field, and a third works with gay and lesbian families. Five of the six buddies have ethnically diverse families.

As the first year of the project ends, each buddy is working with an average of six families. Summers expects buddies will serve about 20 families apiece in coming years. To enroll pre-adoptive families in the program, buddies visit Division of Children and Family Services (DCFS) orientation sessions to share their experiences as adoptive parents and inform attendees about the mentor program. Caseworkers distribute brochures to the families they are preparing for adoption, and also refer families who need support to the program. Buddies even recruit prospective adoptive parents by displaying at fairs or community events-some families have mentors before they even attend orientation.

The relationship between buddies and pre-adoptive parents will continue as long as the buddy program exists-even parents who become less connected to their mentors after placement will have somewhere to turn if a crisis occurs.

Summers notes that close relationships both with DCFS and the parents have been central to buddies' success. However, because pre-adoptive parents need to voice their concerns without fear of being rejected, Summers and the buddies adhere to a strict confidentiality policy. Occasionally, confidentiality becomes a concern as the buddies learn about barriers in the system and try to modify policies without divulging specific incidents, so buddies and DCFS administrators meet quarterly to keep the department informed about areas in need of change. For example, buddies learned that families did not feel informed through the process, especially from the end of pre-adoptive classes until placement. Since a recent meeting, DCFS has been seriously considering a new policy of mailing monthly postcards to each family outlining what has been completed and what is still pending.

Missouri PARTNERs

In Missouri, the state's Division of Family Services (DFS) and private agencies recommended experienced parents who could serve as mentors or PARTNERs (Parents As Resources Through Networking and Encouraging Retention). As the project completes its first year, 20 PARTNER mentors are participating, and project director Tom Mennerick anticipates that he will recruit 50 more volunteers through adoptive family support groups over the next two years.

Since each PARTNER is paired with just one pre-adoptive family, matching is key. LaRhonda Wilson, who trains Missouri's PARTNERs, relies a process their staff calls "half magic, half data" to pair families. They start with demographic information-such as family composition or geographic location-but also rely on impressions from face-to-face meetings.

Although PARTNERs are considered volunteers, they receive a small stipend for their first 15 meetings with a pre-adoptive family. As an extra incentive, if PARTNERs wish to take the family out to lunch or to a sporting event, the program provides gift certificates to cover costs.

Despite the financial assistance, Wilson continually hears, "We're not in this for the money." The PARTNERs enjoy offering the comfort and enlightenment that they had-or wished they would have had-when they were adopting. As an added benefit, some PARTNERs voluntarily attend pre-adoptive training classes to get more parents involved. They are also a source of friendship, support, and resources for one another.

Mennerick notes that they still need to "iron out the initial kinks" of the program. The primary challenge has been that pre-adoptive parents are busy attending classes and struggle to find time to meet a mentor. Although PARTNERs sometimes have to make several calls and reschedule appointments to meet the needs of busy and tired parents, they have been patient and continue to enjoy their role.

To learn more about building a mentoring program, contact Suzanne Dosh, program director of The Adoption Exchange at 800-451-5246 or suzanne@adoptex.org. Susan Summers is at 702-436-6335 and Tom Mennerick can be reached at 314-367-3343. The programs used the book and video Safe Passage by Richard Delaney as a foundation. To obtain a copy, contact Wood'N'Barnes Publishing at 405-942-6812.