Expressing Feelings

Music holds the keys to our hearts. Someone once told me that if I wrote a song about any one little thing that was on my mind, it would touch millions. We are kindred spirits in that many share the same sorrows and joys. One may believe they are an island and no one else could possibly feel what they do, but they are wrong.

Throughout the years after my daughter's relinquishment, many tunes brought her to mind. Songs meant to be dedicated to a lover had a hidden agenda for me and could reduce me to tears. One of the first was titled Take Good Care of My Baby. Simple words, but the lyrics dug deep. Words like "once upon a time that little girl was mine," and "if you should discover that you don't really love her, just send my baby back home to me..." tore at my heart strings. Perhaps the mantra for searching birth family members though should be Somewhere Out There. It's funny how the words of a little mouse could conjure a vision of one's missing loved one 'it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star."

One of the first gifts I bought my found child was a music box that played that song. On the night of the 4th anniversary of our reunion, a competitor on American Idol, Clay Aiken, sang that song and believe you me I totally lost it and bawled like a baby. I made an attempt to express my feelings in a poem once, I think a lot of people can relate to it:

Seems one event
Set the pace for my life
You see, I was a Mother
Before I was anyone's wife

Not of a child
I could kiss, hug and hold
Just keep in my heart
And treasure like gold

Days seemed like weeks
Months were like years
Thought I would drown
In an ocean of tears

Child of my youth
Always in my dreams
They said I'd forget
I didn't, it seems

Spending my life
Searching in faces
Everywhere I went
All kinds of places

Trying to fill
That void in my heart
Wanting to search
Not knowing where to start

I am not adopted but tried to write what I thought an adopted person may feel also:

I love my parents
what a great job they've done
But now I can't stop
Looking for someone

Not for a man
To call me his wife
But for the wonderful woman
Who gave me life

I'd like to thank her
And show my love
For I know what she did
Was predestined by him above

I wander through life
Looking in faces
For one that looks like mine
And can fill my heart's empty spaces

And I hope an adopted parent may feel this way:

You gave me your child
What a blessing for me
But I know how hurt
And lonely you must be

I have prayed for you each night
Before I went to sleep
For I know a mother's feelings never stop
And I know your feelings are still deep

I've always tried to picture you
As I looked in her face
As I know in her heart and soul
You have always held a place

I love my daughter
And I know that THAT she always will be
But hearts are big
And there is room in hers for you and me

And a successful reunion could end the trilogy this way

Follow your dreams
Believe with all your heart
For nothing can keep
Such a bond apart.

Mothers and child
Together again
Our circle is complete
Let the future begin

We wandered through life
Like lost ships at sea
Our paths finally crossed
As it was always meant to be

© 2003