Finding out you have a chronic illness or disability can be stressful for a family. Living with illness or disability every day has a huge effect on family life. If you have just been diagnosed, everyone's role in the family suddenly changes. Most of the family's focus is mainly on you (whether you want it to be or not). It's like walking on a tightrope, and your family is waiting below to catch you if you fall.

Each family member faces different issues while getting used to these changes. You may see a mix of anger, confusion, uncertainty, and sadness. Your family may not understand your special needs; they may seem to resent that they have to help you manage your illness. Don't feel guilty! These are all natural emotions, and none of them are your fault. It's up to you, however, to help your family adjust to your illness. To do this, you need to understand what each person may be feeling.

There are two keys to helping your family adjust to your illness or disability:

1. Take an active role in your care. When you take an active role in your care, you'll help put your family at ease. In time, they will get used to your routines and see that you can take care of yourself.

2. Talk openly with your family. If you show them that you are comfortable talking about your condition, they will probably open up and talk too. Talking honestly about your needs and fears is a great way to get support from your family. Encourage your family to talk about their feelings and to tell you what they need from you. If you listen to your family, you are showing them that you support them too. At first, it may seem like the only thing everyone talks about is your illness, but soon it will be just one more part of your family's life.

© From Young People and Chronic Illness: True Stories, Help, and Hope by Kelly Huegel. ©1998 Free Spirit Publishing, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.