The role of an adoptive father during the adoption process is an interesting one. All birth mothers are involved in the adoption process, but not all birthfathers are, so how does that affect the adoptive father? First of all, women have different relationships with other women than they do with other men. It’s just nature for it to be that way. It isn’t uncommon for birthmothers and adoptive mothers to chat together more often than the birthmother will with the adoptive father. Again, that’s just nature.
The adoptive father isn’t forgotten, though, in the unfortunate way birthfathers can be pushed aside. Adoptive fathers are typically pretty active. After all, that role of “father” is oftentimes one of the main things that the birthmother is looking to provide. If the birthmom thought the only thing important for her child was love, there would be no need for adoption. Birthmothers obviously love their children. Despite what society may portray on television or in other forms of ignorance, adoption is all about love. If the birthmother didn’t love the baby growing inside of her, she wouldn’t care about whether or not her offspring had more to life than the pitfalls she’s hoping to avoid by choosing adoption. Birthmothers don’t give up on the child, they give the child more.
That’s one way the adoptive father comes into the picture. The birthmother knows she’s only one person. If avoiding the child growing up with only one parent is what the birthmother is after, the adoptive father is obviously a perfect fit. After all, and not to downplay the obviously important role of an adoptive mother, the motherhood role is already present. That puzzle piece was never missing because the birthmother, herself, almost always would be a wonderful mother because of the way she loves that child.
Dads add so much to a child’s life. Dads have the ability to teach their sons how to throw a ball and what it means to work hard. Dads have the obligation to teach their daughters how men should be treating them. Dads have the responsibility of showing by example the way a man should behave in the home so his sons can follow suit and his daughters can have a good example of what to hope for.
Birthfathers have the capability of augmenting the father’s role. Their presence in the adoption triad is not in the way of the family goal. When a birthfather lives a good life of love and respect, his influence only augments the aspects that the adoptive father is trying to portray and teach. True, the birthfather isn’t the one making the daily decisions about schools and finances, but if he’s a part of the family team, he’s irreplaceable.
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Note: Our authors are dedicated to honest, engaged, informed, intelligent, and open conversation about adoption. The opinions expressed here may not reflect the views of Adoption.com.