As older child adoptive parents, we all have to deal with varying levels of attachment and bonding issues. Our children may slide smoothly into their new lives and just need some extra reassurances and affection to help them feel secure that we're their forever parents. They may arrive with some fears and anxieties about attaching to us, their new parents, and need us to implement extra attachment and bonding activities at home.

They may arrive with one or more of their parental and/or caregiver attachments broken in their past, and need some assistance from an attachment therapist to help them establish the trust needed to create a strong attachment to us. Or, they may arrive with more substantial trauma and attachment issues that need long-term interventions from an attachment therapist.

What should you look for in an attachment therapist?

While everyone's needs are slightly different, here are a few things to ask/look for in an attachment therapist. To my mind, attachment therapists can be social workers, psychologists, or counselors. The degree is less important than their attachment training.

- Where/who have they trained under? Most of the attachment therapists have worked with/under some of the "big" names i.e. Greg Keck, Evergreen Center, Dan Hughes, Foster Cline, etc. (I call these the 1st generation attachment therapists.)

- Are they a member of Attach, the national attachment organization, www.attach.org?

- What kind of on-going training do they undergo? Since attachment therapy is still fairly new, you want someone who regularly attends workshops and seminars on attachment, grief and loss, EMDR, etc.

- How are parents involved in the therapy sessions? Parents should always be in the room, or on the few occasions they are not in the room, the therapist should have an audio or video monitor for you to use. Attachment therapists do not do one on one therapy with a child because they know that kids with RAD are likely to be charming, lie, and manipulate.

- What modalities do they use? Storytelling, EMDR, Theraplay (not the same as play therapy), psychodrama, nurturing holds... Most attachment therapists use multiple formats.

- What role do they see the parent as having in therapy? Attachment therapists look at therapeutic parenting as essential for healing.

- Who is their "supervisor?" Our attachment therapist was somewhat new to attachment therapy and another local, more experienced, attachment therapist was her supervisor, even though they did not work together.

- How familiar are they with the disorders that often co-exist with RAD i.e. PTSD, ADHD, mood disorders, etc.? Do they have other professionals they interact with who can help with these inter-related diagnoses and/or mediation needs if your child requires it?

- Will they be able to help you with related resources i.e. respite, support groups, etc. You need to be creating a "web" of support and accountability for your child.

Attachment therapy should not be looked at as something to be avoided. Rather it is a course of action to help your family be as strong as possible, and to help your child reach her fullest potential.

Credits: Susan M. Ward, an older child adoption specialist, provides parent coaching and resources for adoptive families. Susan's training has focused on adoption issues relating to attachment, grief, and parenting. She's also the adoptive parent of a child healed from RAD (reactive attachment disorder). Her website is www.OlderChildAdoptionSupport.com.