Finding Carlos Roberto

On July 30, 1991, we received "the call," the one all prospective adoptive parents await anxiously, all the while on pins and needles. The woman at the agency, PLAN International Adoptions, in McMinnville, Oregon, was calling us across the country in Pennsylvania to inform us that we had a healthy 8-day-old Guatemalan baby girl named Flor de Maria. We'd been told that referrals for girls were coming so slowly at the time that we should anticipate a two year wait. A mere thirty days later, the call came!

The next six months were hectic as we put our dossier in the mail to the Guatemalan attorney, Lic. Jose Maria Sandoval, and filed our I-600 A with the Immigration and Naturalization Service. At one day after her six month birthday, our daughter arrived at the Greater Pittsburgh International Airport in the midst of a driving snowstorm. Despite the inclement weather and the hour, which was well after midnight, we heartily celebrated the arrival of this beautiful little girl whom we would come to call Katherine Sarah Flor de Maria or Katie for short. Her name was bigger than she was at just 12 lbs., 13 oz. and she had soft dark brown curls and huge brown eyes. She arrived in a tiny poncho and a beaded bracelet, which according to Guatemalan tradition, keeps evil spirits away from the baby. We took countless photos and a video at the airport that night and it was a time of joy that none of us will ever forget.

With Katie came a portfolio full of documents including immunization records, a passport and alien registration (or "green") card, copies of adoption decree and relinquishment, and a social worker's report of the birth family. This final document is a legal instrument in the Guatemalan courts and is required before the adoption can be finalized. It is similar in content to our homestudy and gives names and identifying information about the birth family, as well as the biological mother's reasons for relinquishing her child for adoption. Within weeks we found a translator for this document and discovered that our Katie had three full older siblings in Guatemala, all of whom her birth mother, a domestic in Guatemala City, was struggling to feed on her $18 a month salary. The youngest of the three siblings was suffering the effects of malnutrition and the social worker wrote of the birthmother's inability to feed a fourth child. The birth-mother's desire to provide a better life for this fourth child was clearly expressed in the document, as was her sadness over having to relinquish her baby to someone else to provide what she herself was unable to give. She requested that her child be given the chance to be raised by a "complete" family who would provide her with love and a moral and spiritual upbringing.

When we finally received the translated version and read it together, it brought tears to all of our eyes. The love this woman expressed for her child was evident. It was at this time that we began once or twice a year to send pictures and updates on Katie to Attorney Sandoval. We always included a letter and extra pictures, which we asked him to share with Katie's birthmother.

Approximately two-and-a-half-years later, we received a call from PLAN Adoption's Director of Latin American programs telling us that she'd had a call from Attorney Sandoval and that Katie's birthmother had recently given birth to a baby boy named Carlos Roberto for whom she felt unable to provide. We were being offered the little guy, and PLAN, knowing this was a complete surprise to us, gave us a week to make our decision. In the meantime, we received a picture of him and were amazed by his resemblance to Katie at the same age.

Of course, not having anticipated a second adoption for several years yet, we did not have a completed homestudy update, nor had we been fingerprinted and filed an I-600 A with INS. We phoned our local agency for the homestudy update materials and had our fingerprints taken. After the first rush of activity, we settled down and actually discussed the reality of the situation. We knew this was something we both wanted to do, but there were financial obstacles to be considered as well. We'd taken out a home equity loan to pay for Katie's adoption and it wasn't even half paid off yet at the time. By now, Guatemalan adoptions were running around $20,000, so this was an additional sum we'd have to finance. Also, I'd returned to school at night the prior year to pursue a career change and had planned to complete my master's prior to adopting a second child. And yet we felt compelled to do this for Katie.

We were desperately torn and lay awake at night discussing it. Finally, on the advice of a dear friend and single adoptive mother of two children, we decided we were not really doing Katie a favor to put so much financial burden upon ourselves. Yes, it would be a great thing for the children to be raised together, but what would they be losing at the same time? Certainly we wouldn't be able to afford a lot of gifts, numerous trips for Happy Meals, big birthday parties, or beach vacations, all things we grew up with and hoped to provide our children with.

Our friend helped us to see that our first obligation was to the family we had now. I tearfully phoned PLAN and told them of our decision, but asked for assurances that we would be given the name and address of the family with whom Katie's baby brother was placed. They totally understood and assured us the information we'd requested when it was available. So, weren't we all surprised when PLAN's Director of Latin American Programs phoned a few weeks later to inform us that Attorney Sandoval had placed the baby boy through a different agency! PLAN was no longer working with Attorney Sandoval and they had no idea with which agencies he was now associated. We were stunned and immediately wrote him a letter asking for the name and address of the family who was adopting the little boy.

For two-and-a-half-years, we were frustrated in our attempts to find Carlos Roberto. At first, Attorney Sandoval told us that he did not want to share the adoptive family's address with us until the adoption was completed, in case something went wrong. He later sent us the address and for some reason it was never delivered to us by the courier service he'd used. (Guatemala has no reliable postal service, as we do, and all correspondence must be completed by international courier.) We despaired at times that we would never find Katie's little brother and we lived with a great deal of guilt during this period.

Finally, in the summer of 1996, we wrote to Attorney Sandoval again and a mere week later, we had the adoptive family's name and address! By now, Carlos Roberto was nearly three years old and we were thrilled to discover that he lived less than an eight hour drive away from us in a neighboring state! This had been a particular worry of ours, as we'd heard rumors that Attorney Sandoval had begun in recent years to place babies in Europe, so as not to have to deal with our INS. Thus, we'd been worried that Carlos Roberto might be living in London or Paris and that he and Katie would never really know each other.

Upon receiving the information, we carefully put together a letter to Carlos Roberto's adoptive mom and dad introducing ourselves. We didn't know if they even knew their son had a half-sister in this country. We described ourselves and our daughter and what our home, hobbies, and interests were like. We included pictures of ourselves and many pictures of Katie. Taking a deep breath, we mailed the letter. Three nights later our phone rang around dinner time. My husband, Rich, answered and the voice on the other end said, "Hi, this is Debbie." He was caught so off guard, he answered "Debbie who?" before we all figured out that we were actually talking to Carlos Roberto's mom!

We took turns talking to her and found out that Carlos Roberto was now called Ryan. He was a happy healthy little boy and within days we had five or six current pictures of him in our mailbox. Debbie and I became good friends and the following summer (1997), Ryan, now three and a half, along with his parents, came to spend a weekend with us. We'd carefully explained to Katie in advance her relationship to Ryan and she seemed to understand it and be anxious to meet him. Though we all had a great time that weekend at the local zoo, having Sunday brunch at a riverfront restaurant, playing in the kiddie pool in the backyard, and cooking out on the grill, Katie's unusual negative behavior indicated that she might be struggling to deal with some issues. Thankfully, this never occurred again after the initial meeting and we feel strongly that Katie was coming to terms in her own way with this one phase of her adoption.

By the time this initial visit occurred, we were now awaiting the arrival of our second daughter, Lily Elizabeth, who surprisingly was born in Guatemala three years to the day after Ryan! By this time we had paid off our first home equity loan and I had completed my education. We were in a much better financial situation to pursue a second Guatemalan adoption. Six months later, Ryan and his mom and dad would drive to meet us at JFK Airport in New York City to celebrate Lily Elizabeth's arrival from Guatemala. It was December 23rd and once again despite the cold temperatures and very late hour, everyone's spirits were high. This time, there was no evidence that Katie experienced anything but joy at seeing Ryan and the two played heartily together in the terminal of TACA (El Salvadoran) Airlines where both kids strongly resembled so many of the passengers waiting to board flights home to Central America for the holidays.

It would be another six months before we saw Ryan and his parents again, but this time our friendship had grown to the point where we felt comfortable renting beachfront condominiums in the same building for a week on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. We just returned from this trip last month and it was a great success. Katie is about to turn seven, Ryan is four and a half, and Lily Elizabeth is fifteen months. The children played beautifully together all week. They went miniature golfing, played "shark" in the pool, built huge sand castles, and dug for crabs on the beach with Ryan's dad. We're anxious to vacation with them again, as we all had a great time.

While I suffered terrible guilt during the two plus years it took us to find Ryan, I believe that we ultimately made the best decision for everyone concerned. I feel strongly that in giving the children this chance to know each other as they grow up, we've given them something very special. Last Christmas, we sent pictures of Katie and Ryan together to their birthmom. We're quite certain she must feel great relief that they've found each other.

We were also able to provide Ryan's mom and dad with a copy of the letter his birthmom had written to Katie a few summers ago. She wrote about the conditions of "hunger, misery, and poverty" that the siblings living with her experience every day of their lives. We'd requested from Attorney Sandoval that he have her write to Katie and we feel that the letter will also one day offer insight for Ryan into the conditions which surrounded his relinquishment as well. We also gave his parents a copy of the picture we have of the birthmother and the siblings still in Guatemala, as well as a copy of the picture we received of Ryan as an infant. His mom and dad had never received this particular picture, so it was a small gift we could give to them. We're very thankful that everything has worked out as beautifully as it has. We know that we have Attorney Sandoval to thank for his willingness to share Ryan's address with us, as well as for the letter from Katie's birthmother and pictures. We're anticipating a long friendship with Ryan's mom and dad and hopefully a lifelong relationship between Katie and her little brother, Ryan. Postscript: Ryan is about to become a big brother as his parents have just accepted a referral for a baby boy born in February of 1999, in Guatemala!

Patricia Suhody is an elementary school teacher and adoptive mother of Katie, 7, and Lily Elizabeth, 1-1/2, both from Guatemala. She can be reached by e-mail at: PSuhody@Verizon.net.

© Roots &Wings Adoption Magazine

Credits: Patricia Suhody