To get to self-direction, there are a few universal caveats for every one of the situations that follow. First, our children need to understand and agree with both the need for the furl and the consequence for breaking it. Only when they come to agree with our rules, through their own internal dialogue, will they become self-directed. Second, look to your own parenting strategy as the possible source of some of the problem. Are you over-controlling or over-protective? Either trait can elicit an externally directed response, as your children react to an unhealthy situation. Third, remember for all these parenting challenges how important it is for you as parents, to model the right behavior. If you're expecting your children to act one way and you act another, the double standard will throw a monkey wrench into their whole internal dialogue machinery.
And lastly, don't forget to laugh.
Why they do it
Children just have other things on their minds, sometimes. Not only that, if we do too much for them, they won't learn to handle responsibilities requiring them to remember things. And hey, everyone forgets.
Logical consequences
If forgetting is a habit, let your children face the repercussions. For instance, if they forget to take their lunch to school more than two-three times during any given school year, stop bailing them out. Call the school office to request they don't lend your children any lunch money; you want them to experience a few hunger pangs. Their hunger pangs will help them remember next time.
Solutions toward self-direction
It's all right to show them empathy, "Gosh, I'm sorry to hear you forgot your homework. I used to get so frustrated with myself whenever that happened to me."
Don't let your children use the ol' "I forgot" line as a way of getting out of things they don't like to do. This avoidance is just a rationalization ploy that then breeds self-deception.
Use humor: Go up to your kid and, without saying a word, tie little strings on all his or her fingers.
Use questioning: "What can you do to help yourself remember your homework assignments?" "What happens when you forget to turn in one of them?" "How do you feel when this happens?"
Use impartial descriptions: "You don't seem to have any strategies to remember your babysitting commitments. Perhaps I can help you come up with some that worked for me."
Use choices: "You can try to come up with ways to organize yourself so that you don't forget your girl scout meetings, or you need to quit altogether."