GROWING CONCERNS: A childrearing question-and-answer column with Martha Erickson of the University of Minnesota.

Question:

I am home-schooling my four children, ages 10, eight, seven and four. I believe this is the right thing for my family, but I often feel I am not taking any time out for myself. My house is a mess, and I often find myself yelling at the kids in frustration. What can I do to make sure that I remain focused on educating my children without losing my mind?

Answer:

It sounds as if teacher is ready for recess. If I were you, I'd begin by taking inventory of potential sources of help and support. First of all, does your husband share your commitment to home-schooling? If so, perhaps you could arrange for him to teach a couple of lessons each week during evening hours or on weekends while you take some time for yourself. Even an hour to walk or sleep or read a good book can ease some of the pressure you feel. Maybe it's also time to arrange for your husband to take on more household tasks--or, if financially feasible, hire someone else to clean for a few hours each week.

Are there other extended family members or close friends who are invested in your children's education? If so, maybe they would be willing to take the children on a special outing or introduce them to a new skill or hobby every so often. It's hard to ask for one-sided favors, so offer something in return--maybe even a casserole and dessert made by you and the kids during home-school time. (Cooking provides great opportunities to practice reading, measuring, fractions, temperature and time concepts.)

Are you affiliated with other home-school families? Perhaps you could work out a weekly exchange with another family as a way of buying yourself some time off. Or maybe there's an interesting after-school program in sports or the arts that would be a good complement to your children's home-schooling and would allow you time for yourself. Even hiring a neighborhood teenager to come to the house once or twice a week for educational games or story time could allow you a much-needed break.

If you're like most parents who home-school, you do so to ensure your children a good education in academic subjects and in values and character development. But the bottom line is, if you're exhausted, frustrated and yelling at your children, you probably are defeating your own purpose for home-schooling. If you can't find the support and respite you need to sustain you in your effort, it may be time to reconsider enrolling your children in school. If it comes to that, you could become an active partner in your children's education by volunteering in their classrooms and supporting their teachers' best efforts--and still have time to catch your breath and enjoy some of the activities that help you feel calm and fresh.

Editor's Note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. E-mail to mferick@tc.umn.edu or write to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.