Homework Headaches
Question:
Our fifth grader has always been a pretty good student, but this year he seems to get very frustrated with his homework and often gives up in tears. His teacher is certain that he is capable of doing the work, and we're trying to figure out how to help him get past the obstacles and stick with his work.
Answer:
Your son is at an age when school work often becomes much more complex and students are expected to work more independently on sustained projects. More than ever before, children need strategies for planning, for breaking down their assignments into manageable pieces, and getting past the challenges of new and difficult concepts. Here are some steps that might help to ease your son's frustration and help him build study skills that will serve him well now and later.
*Begin by acknowledging his feelings. When parents move too fast into trying to find solutions, they often increase their child's resistance. It is helpful to say calmly, "I can see this feels really hard for you.You're frustrated and would like to just quit trying."
*Then work with your son to strategize about how he might approach the task differently. It is important not to give him the answers or do the task for him (although that might seem quicker and easier). This is a chance for him to learn to problem solve.
*Guide him in dividing the assignment into smaller, "chewable" chunks. Then encourage him to do the easiest pieces first, just to get his momentum going.
*When he comes to the hardest tasks, ask him questions that lead him to figure out the answers. If you do this on a regular basis, eventually he will learn to ask himself these questions as a strategy for managing difficult material.
*Sometimes the best thing to do when you're stuck is to take a relaxing break. Encourage your son to know when he needs to walk away from the task for a few minutes so that he can come back with a new frame of mind. A shower, a cup of cocoa, or a walk around the block can sometimes clear the head.
*If your son gets stuck on a task that demands creativity, engage him in a wild and crazy brainstorming session. Think together of all the possible ways he might do the assignment, including outrageous, silly ways. All-stops-out brainstorming has gotten many a writer or inventor unblocked.
*Finally, ask your son what he needs from you to help him get through this challenging assignment. Does he want you to just back off? Would he like you to check in every 15 minutes? Would it be helpful if you made a snack for the two of you and sat at the table doing your own work right next to him? Let him know that you're there to support him on his terms. And know that the strategies you use together will become tools for him to use on his own whenever he encounters challenges.
Editor's Note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. E-mail to mferick@tc.umn.edu or write to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.
