It's self-responsibility that's the key - making sure your children are aware that for every right there's an obligation, for every action there's a consequence, that only they can do what they need to do to get what they want.

I have a 17-year old daughter. She is so self-motivated. For example, I've never *ever* had to ask her to do her homework - she's always just done it. And she has a great academic record to show for it, too.

She has a part-time job which she found herself. She has her own car. She passed her driving test first time the day after her 17th birthday - which is the soonest you can possibly get your license here in Australia.

My wife and I still do some things for her. My wife shares the cost of running her car with her and her mobile phone bills, also we pay for school stuff, occasionally a few other miscellaneous things.

At home, I do all her washing and ironing - after all, I'm at home all day with nothing else to do! (chuckle) I usually cook her meals when she comes home from college or from work, but she'll take care of that herself sometimes when she has a day off. I still wake her up in the morning, but, then, I'm nearly always first up, so I'm everyone's alarm clock.

But, essentially, my daughter runs her own life. It's wonderfully encouraging to observe! My wife and I are confident that she'll be completely self-sufficient when the time comes for her to "leave the nest" - a day we're in no hurry to get to, by the way.

For me, the process of helping my daughter develop her self-responsibility went something like this:

1. I'll do it for you, until you're ready to start learning how to do it for yourself. I'll encourage you to start.

2. We'll do it together, but you'll be my assistant.

3. We'll do it together, but I'll be your assistant.

4. You'll do it for yourself when you're ready to take over. I'll encourage you to take over.

This simple formula is based on my belief that the desire for independence is innate in all children - in other words, they want to do things for themselves - and it's our job to cater for that natural desire by providing the necessary learning opportunities and positive feedback.

© Copyright (c) 2002, Bob Collier Family Content

Credits: Bob Collier