Hello,

My name is David. I went to college in Rhode Island, and in my second year of college, I impregnated the birth mother of my daughter. Being young and 19 years of age, I decided to leave college and my soon-to-be family.

I must admit that the thought of having a child was great, but I lacked the maturity to understand the true responsibility. What I was thinking, I don't know. Any way, my daughter was born and then put up for adoption, which I can't blame her birth mother for doing. She was just as young, Irish Catholic. Does that make a difference? Yes, it does: I am African American. Also, this was 1971, and things just weren't the same as they are now, especially for a single white woman with a half black child. Family, friends, and even people she didn't know, wouldn't want to know her.

I was married to a wonderful woman with whom I had two beautiful sons, but I also had an affair with my daughter's birth mother. All I knew of my daughter is that she was born in August. I had wondered for years and had tried in so many ways to find out where she was, but with no luck.

Every year, in August and on the holidays, there was an emptiness that couldn't be filled. The happiest of times were the saddest of times, so many emotions that you go through, when part of you is missing. If I had only known the emptiness that would fill my life and fill the void, it must have been much worst for her mother. I have always told my sons that they have a sister, but seeing is believing. They hadn't seen her, so they really didn't know what to think. Besides, they where going through their own problems, since their mother and I divorced. However, years have healed all wounds but still left unanswered questions. Now they are grown, their sister is grown, and I have finally matured.

It was September 2000 when I injured my back. I was put out of work and had nothing but time on my hands. I told myself to try and find my daughter, who knew... I could get lucky.

After sitting at home for 3 months and watching television and seeing all these people find the ones they where looking for, well, why not try? December 20, I was looking for BigHugs.com. Well, I couldn't get on; I kept getting sent to the "triad."

Well, what I definitely did not want to do was have to work, so I went back to the search engine and BigHugs.com. Well again, back to the "triad." This got on my nerves, so I tried one more time. Well, I went back, you got it...the "triad." So I said, "Lord, if this is where you want me, then here is where I start." All I could see was adoption agencies, adoption groups, hundreds, thousands, so I took a deep breath, and the Lord led me to where I was supposed to be - "Tammy's Sight." Still not sure what I was going to find, if anything, I put in my information and the information that I had of my daughter. It was only her birth date and where she was born. Well, if God doesn't know His stuff, then I am crazy.

After about 30 minutes of doing this and that, I had a hit. One female born August 1972. Guess what...she was 1/2 black. Could this be her? Well, I contacted Tammy and said that I thought this was my daughter. Tammy emailed her and said, 'I think I have found you birth father.'

As the story goes, she just deleted the e-mail and went on about her business. A couple of days went by and Tammy tried another e-mail. Well, that time, she read it, and then she contacted Tammy, and we started writing to each other through her.

A few months went by, and we wrote each other every day, just to feel each other out. Then, we contacted each other using the Internet ourselves. Well, to make a long story shorter, we finally met. I have met her whole family: mother, father, sisters, and brother-in-law. She has a man that she adores and who adores her, plus, two beautiful children - my grandchildren"!!!

I must say that I have been blessed. She has the most beautiful family, and I couldn't have asked for life to be more gracious to her. The love that she has grown up with, the respect that she has for people, and just the warmth that is within her (is incredible). She has met her brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews. We have bonded in such a short time, and I feel so complete. I know that I will never take the place of her father, nor would I want to. He has raised and nurtured such a sweet and beautiful woman. Her mother is a gem, and I can see the joy and love she has for her. I would never want to change or try to disarrange any part of her life. I just know that God has given me this opportunity, and I birth mother for being unselfish enough to do what she thought was right. I would like to thank her mom and dad for being the type of people who were willing to love a child unconditionally and to nurture such a beautiful person. Most of all, I would like to thank God, for without Him, none of this would have ever been possible. He makes a way out of no way.

Thank you for letting me share part of my story. I just hope that it helps others know that sometimes it's not what we want but what and when God wants it to be. Life is (about) patience, and once you have made the decision to place someone up for adoption, you have made the decision to be patient. Just be there and willing to accept whatever comes your way. Not all situations will be as happy or blessed as mine, but don't jump the gun. There is someone else involved besides you - a child who may or may not know of you. Let them live their lives, and if it is meant to be, then just be there when it is. Keep all avenues open.

God bless,
Dave

© 2003