In Response to Lane's Comments

I was put up for adoption as an infant, 51 years ago. I am African American. I was in foster care for one year, then placed with the couple that ultimately adopted me. I knew I was adopted by the time I was 4, before I knew what it meant.

I had a blessed childhood. I had wonderful parents. My dad was an entrepreneur (before the phrase was coined), my mom worked in his businesses primarily when she wasn't taking care of me. My mom wanted to adopt another child, but my father said "no" so I grew up an only child. I wish I had siblings, but got the benefits (lots of loving attention, gifts at holiday time) that only kids enjoy.

I had some resentments, embarrassment, shame and hurt feelings about being illegitimate and having been given up. I also had the normal parental resentments about being 'controlled' and 'not fairly treated' which I held on to til I did a personal development course (the Landmark Forum) and gave up those feelings. I also heard stories of people who had grown up in situations MUCH worse than I and saw how good I'd had it.

My adoptive mother asked me if I had any interest in finding my biological parents and I said "No. You're my parents" and I stayed with that belief until both of them passed away and my first marriage ended.

At that point (20 years ago) my adoption agency provided me with some (non identifying) info about my parents. Subsequently, I found my biological father, his sister and her adult children. Just recently I found my biological mother's other children (by a different man that she married after giving me up.) I had a great life. I wish I'd gotten a chance to meet my biological mother, but with my recent reunion with her siblings and other children, I was able to feel quite complete about the whole thing.

I have no bitter feelings about either my adoptive or biological parents. Just be honest, loving and supportive with your child. While we have issues to deal with, we don't all turn out messed up.

Loretta Booker
Emerald Harvest Consulting, LLC
Human resources consulting that reaps results

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