July 4th is the birth of our nation and is the day we grew up and moved away from our "English parents". This holiday should serve, as a reminder that our function as parents is a bit like that of England. Since that is the case, we need to expect all the rebellion that goes with independence.

Kids need to pull away from us and exert their own authority over their lives. Although, as parents we seldom think they are ready to do it, we must step aside and allow the transformation to begin.

'When kids try on the adult role, it is their way of preparing for the rest of their lives. Some of their attempts may be laughable, but don't laugh. Other trials may be dangerous. Gently, if possible, forcibly, if necessary, guide them away from danger. When they try on a persona, it may amuse us at first, but one of these may be the one they eventually choose and most likely it will be the one we don't like.

Let them experiment; they will anyway. Encourage them to experiment with those things that won't harm them. Suggest they change their looks and clothes. Let them explore wild career ideas and hobbies. Help them find the real person buried inside all the other stuff they show on the outside. If you encourage this type of discovery, they may be less interested in trying gangs and cults or drugs and violence.

Parents, remember this road to independence is serious stuff Their perceptions say it is the real thing a life and death decision. Treat their forays into the worlds various cultures and roles as what it is: a chance to discover who they will become. Sometimes, they need to see what is wrong about certain roles before they pick what is right. Most times, it is a short-lived journey and they return to their senses and a more conventional life. Regardless, love them unconditionally, keep them safe as possible, treat their attempts with respect, and pray for their guidance. Then get ready to prepare yourself for your hardest role: When they truly reach independence and leave home.

Credits: Jo Ann Wentzel