Sleeping Transition

Guest: What do you think about sleeping arrangements for when you first come home with the baby - same room?
Rita: Over the years my thinking on this has altered. I used to believe start out in their own room right away, now I really think it is a call you have to make considering your temperament and your child's. Going from sleeping with a room full of other kids to being by themselves is really hard. I'd see how stressed your child is being in their own room and then if it is too stressful move the bed in your room, or the child can sleep with you but then be prepared to take a long time to change that arrangement. How old is your child?
Guest: We still have not traveled yet... hoping for under 18 mo from Russia.
Rita: Sleep is a difficult issue for most of our kids... if you can try to give him/her a transitional comfort object as soon as you take her/him from the orphanage... a blanket, a cuddly bear.

Guest: I hear a lot of people talk about children becoming hysterical at bedtime, nap time. What causes this and what can you do to help? These seem to be kids that are fine/happy during rest of day.
Rita: Bedtime, sleep time is scary for most kids. It is a time when they feel out of control. Some may fear you won't be there when they wake up or that they will moved to a different place. The best thing to do is help them transition by having regular routines around bedtime. Be there as a comforting presence. Have nap times at the same time every day if possible. Don't get them all excited like roughhousing before bedtime (Dads like to do that some time... it's great but not before sleepy time).

Food Transition

Guest: Can you talk a little about food transitions?
Rita: At first, because they have never had enough, make food accessible - like having lots of fruit out and around.
Guest: That's interesting... I hadn't heard that yet.
Rita: You might try to make some things that have the flavoring they are used to, but a child 18 months will pretty much adapt to any food if it appeals to their taste buds. Most children from an orphange are used to eating at a set time so it might be helpful to find out from the staff when those times were and keep a fairly regular schedule of meal times as a family. Most children will not be used to family style meals so you will have to teach your child how your family has dinner for example - let them know what your expectations are. Also keep in mind that toddlers have no concept of time and what it takes to prepare food , so expect some impatience. In an orphanage, the food appears at a certain time and the are sat down and fed, often toddlers are spoon fed, so you may have to help your child how to feed themselves. Expect a mess, its part of the learning process. Many orphanages can only afford mush with trace bits of meat so your child may come to you slightly malnourished, or underweight, or having difficulty or dislike of chewing. Chewing takes work and they aren't used to it. But it is important to develop muscle tone of the mouth muscles so language can develop. Make a game of chewing, make a song like "chew, chew, swallow" and model it.

Guest: Do you have to worry more about choking/gag reflex because these babies aren't used to food with textures?
Rita: Not usually unless there is a medical issue of some sort. Most kids adapt fairly well to textures unless there is a sensory issue.

Guest: What about giving a toddler a bottle in Russia when they no longer use a bottle?
Rita: If a child is off the bottle I don't see any reason to go back. Bottles hinder the development of the muscles for talking and there are other ways to create nurturing moments, like holding & rocking and singing lullabyes, songs, etc.
Guest: I thought it would improve their sucking abilities?
Rita: If your child is going to be around 18 months, you want them using a sippy cup and learning how to chew, and blowing bubbles and imitating language - that's your priority, not sucking.
Guest: Ok. Thanks!
Rita: Good question., I think it's one others often have.

Getting Health/Preferences Information

Guest: In preparing for transition and services, how much information is really available on the child's history to help the planning process? And are some countries better than others about providing accurate information?
Rita: As you know the level of information varies greatly in its amount and accuracy, however most of the info. is medical in nature. To find out your child's likes, patterns, and even history, your best bet is to get as much info from the caretaker at the orphanage as possible when you go to get your child. Not only do countries vary but orphanages within the same country vary in the amount and type and accuracy of info you will get beforehand, unless you are adopting a special needs child where you will have a clear idea of your child's issue beforehand. In all cases, upon arrival home I would suggest an assessment. It would be great to have info ahead of time but the system just doesn't seem to function that way.

Guest: For countries requiring 2 visits, do you recommend that parents take their own videos w/sound to let drs see here at home?
Rita: Yes but you have to keep in mind not to offend the doctors and caretakers at the orphange who have expressed to me that they feel disrepected by Americans who measure children's head circumference and take pictures, etc. It's all in how you do it, how you approach them. It is best to explain you want to be able to have these for memories and to watch while you are waiting to return, etc.

Home - A Year Later

Guest: We've been home 13-1/2 months with our two sons from Ukraine.
Rita: How old are they?
Guest: They were 4.4 years and 24 months at adoption, now 5.5 and 38 months.
Guest: A question - based on something asked earlier: did they have sleeping problems? night terrors or anything like that at first?
Guest: Screaming fits about bedtime, bathtime and about every other at first, but within a month, nights were ok and bath was great.

Rita: How are they doing? How are you doing?
Guest: Our 5.5 year old is still experiencing major delays, possible RAD or autism, the 3 year old is almost caught up except language.
Rita: The major tasks for the parents are really patience and perseverance.
Guest: Yes, you are right Rita! :)
Rita: Is your older son getting any intervention?
Guest: Yes, and he's improved and continues to improve daily, but I'm fighting the school system about speech therapy. He's been through a lot since coming home - eye surgery, hernia/circ surgery, dental surgery, MRI & EEGs.
Rita: That is a whole other topic, school systems. His medical issues may be affecting his ability to have energy to relate.