Part 1

Everyone has seen the news stories, read the newspaper reports, and has discussed the real issues of bullying. For many of us, it's simply a matter of saying, "I'm glad that it hasn't happened to my child."

Or has it?

Many times our children are afraid to tell us that they are being victimized. This may be for a variety of reasons. They may be afraid that parents will think of them as being weak. They may have been threatened that bad things will happen if they tell anyone. He/she might feel guilty about 'making a fuss over nothing'. Maybe the child feels like they deserve the bullying. They may also feel that they cannot talk to you.

There are a number of reasons that you may or may not know about. We will try to help you recognize the signs and assist you in resolving the problem of bullying in this two-part article.

In part one, we will look at types of bullying and some signs to look for.

Bullying can include one or more of the following types:
threats, verbal abuse, being left out, name calling, harassment, teasing, hitting, pushing, and ignoring.

If you look at the list above and think back to when you were in school, you are likely to relate to one or more of these things happening to you or someone you know. The degree and effect these actions have on a child determines the action that we, as parents, need to take in order to help.

What to look for:

* Bruises, cuts, or scratches
* Sudden fears
* Excessive headaches and stomach aches
* Nightmares
* Bed wetting
* Afraid to go to school
* Changes in eating habits
* Changes in sleeping habits
* Withdrawn
* Broken or missing possessions
* Pretending to be sick in order to stay home from school
* Mood swings
* Abnormal amount of calls from school wanting to come home sick

If you see these signs, do not jump to the conclusion that there is a bully in your child's life. Think of other things that may be bothering your child. Has there been a divorce in your family? Is there a new baby? Have you recently moved?

If the answer is bullying, it may be a difficult subject for your child to talk about. How you approach the situation will make all the difference in how it is rectified.

Try a gentle approach. Your child may deny being bullied. This may just be an excuse to avoid talking about it. Let them know that no child deserves to be bullied. Also, explain to them that bullying is more than just physical actions. Review the types of bullying with your children. When they feel that they are in danger, reassure them that asking for help is not tattling.

Your child may be too distressed to talk about it. Try to avoid pressuring them into giving you all the information at one time. Let your child know that you want to help and you are willing to listen anytime he/she wants to talk.

You may get angry yourself about the bullying, but be careful. It's okay to say to your child that you are upset or angry, but remain calm. Your child will feel safe when they know that you are in control of your emotions and the situation.

Whatever you do, don't dismiss the bullying as simply a little teasing. Your child could be feeling a lot of stress. When a child is bullied, whether it is verbal or physical, it is humiliating and can damage self-esteem as well as overall mental health.

Sometimes it is not another child that is being the bully; it might be an adult. For example, it could be his/her teacher, a neighbor, or a friend's parent. In any event, tread lightly as you uncover the problem. Once you know who the bully is, you must have a plan to defeat the problem. The key is to make sure your child feels secure as you remedy the bullying situation.

In part two, we will look at some remedies.